


Follow Your Heart

by dimethief



Series: It all started phsically [1]
Category: Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six (Video Games)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Bandit needs a hug, Dom! Bandit, Dom/sub, Drama, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Jager is the best, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Rook has a heart, Rook is kinky af, Rope Bondage, Sub! Rook, no slow burn, some sort of characters development
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:21:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23873071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dimethief/pseuds/dimethief
Summary: When Julian had his virgin sex with Dominic, he expected to never see this man again. However 7 years later after he joined Rainbow, he met Dominic again. The reunion woke his secret kink up again and his heart as well. Finally when he had come to his sense, only started to reveal Dominic's dark past.To work everything out, Dominic and Julian needed to fix their problems.Or AKA, Julian is a kinky little shit.(jk lol, we love you, Julian <3)Edit: fixed some spelling, sorry I'm a dumb bitch lol
Relationships: A mysterial spetznas boy/Marius "Jäger" Streicher, Dominic "Bandit" Brunsmeier/Julien "Rook" Nizan, Gustave "Doc" Kateb/Alexsander "Tachanka" Senaviev
Series: It all started phsically [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1720507
Comments: 9
Kudos: 32





	Follow Your Heart

**Author's Note:**

> It was orginally a short porn, but then as I was writing it, it turned into something massive. I cut some parts of smut out cuz why not. At the end, it has a full smut while rest of them are mainly pieces. 
> 
> I edited and rewrote this again and again, and finally I'm done with it. This is what it eventually became, a semi-porn with feelings and some sort of characters development. 
> 
> So yeah, enjoy the ride.

  
  


Julian was 18 when he first met Dominic. 

It was not like a rom-com that you saw on the TV, in some fairy garden or soothing rain, instead it was an anxious and sweaty night with thunder roaming above the city. 

The thunder was crawling inside the dense cloud, but the rain refused to drop in any second. The whole city, Berlin, was humid and hot, screaming uncomfortable. The night was deep, but young people were still running around in this district surrounded by flickering LED lights and booming music in the background. The night just started for most of the people here, who just wanted to get wasted tonight.

Julian was excited, as he just turned 18 and he’s about to go to a nightclub for the first time of his life. He had drunk before, though it’s technically illegal; but thanks for his friends who sneaked liquor to the parties. No matter what, this was his first time to actually go to a nightclub and order his first legal drink. To celebrate his 18th birthday, he and his friends drove to Berlin for the weekend and planned to get into one of the best nightclubs in Europe.

_ Tricky Night _ .

Julian gave the last quick look at the name of the club before he was pushed inside the nightclub. The music was loud, loud enough that Julian could feel every bass inside his heart. His friend dragged him through the crowd, and then he was already standing in front of the bar. His friends did not even bother to ask what Julian wanted and ordered something real quick.

“Tonight’s on me!” One of his friends said to him.

“What? I can’t hear you!!” Julian pulled his friend closer and screamed at the other’s ear.

His friend laughed and showed Julian a credit card in his hand, pointing at the credit card and then himself.

Julian understood it in a second before he gave his friend a grateful grin. Julian was not rich compared to some of his friends. He’s just a regular kid who grew up in a working class family, but with a kind and energetic soul. He could sit there and listening to people complaining for hours, while he could also jumped into the pool during the party or do some other stupid teenager shit. His outgoing and bubbly personality made him very popular at the high school, and thus he’s considered as one of the “cool kids” gang. 

Therefore, one of his rich friends offered to pay for his drinks tonight at the most popular (expensive as well) nightclub in Europe. In the past Julian wouldn’t even think of it but, hell yeah, why not? It’s his birthday after all.

How many drinks did Julian have? Julian lost counts already. There were 2 shots of tequila, then followed by another shot of Jager Bomb and a doubled long island, and at last what he remembered was another 2 shots of tequila. Julian was drunk enough to chug down whatever his friends handed to him. There’s so much sweat on his skin, but not all of it was his. On the dance floor, it’s wall to wall people dancing to the music, no room for any more but somehow Julian and his friends hit it the space magically came. Julian was in the mood of clubbing like this was his last night on Earth, but this was just his first night in reality. When the music moves him like he’s a puppet on strings, his head was mashing so hard his brain was almost completely shut down. With that music, that beat, those crazy flashing lights Julian felt so alive at this moment. He didn’t care anymore. He didn’t care as long as he’s having this stupid fun right now.

Julian wasn’t sure when or how he got into the bathroom, but he was sure he was sick. Hands gripping tight at the edge of the toilet, Julian could feel his stomach was cringing hard. Whatever he had in his stomach that night was all out. He could hear his friends talking and laughing somewhere not far away, but it was all unclear.

Then there was a knock on his toilet booth.

“Hey, Julian, you alright?” It was one of his friends, 

“Ah, yah, just give me a minute.” No he was not alright. He genuinely just wanted to throw all his guts out.

“We’re going to get a cab, ok? See you at the door?”

“Julian! We left some good stuff for you by the sink. Come out quick ok?” Another friend said it quickly.

Before Julian could answer, his friends already left the bathroom.

When Jualian finally stopped vomiting, he let himself sit on the floor for a while. Then it took him a couple of minutes to actually get on his feet and unlock the door. The first thing he saw when he’s out of the booth was a thin white line by the sink. He knew what that was, and it wasn’t what he liked at all. His friend had offered him cocaine before, but he rejected it. He simply had no idea why they’d offer this to him again. Maybe they think he’s drunk enough to take it. Well, he’s indeed very drunk right now.

There was a voice inside of Julian telling him to do it, but at the same time another voice was warning him not to do it. 

_ What’s wrong with doing it? I’m drunk anyway. Why not get high as well? _

_ You could’ve got addicted to it. It’d be bad. _

_ Pff, one line is not going to get addicted. We all know science. _

_ But, what if someone walked in when you’re doing it? _

_ Just do it, coward! _

_ Don’t do it. You will regret it! _

_ Do it! _

_ Don’t! _

“Hey kid!”

A voice dragged Julian out of his little mental battle. Julian looked up seeing a tall man leaning against the bathroom door looking at him amusingly.

Julian glimpsed at the line of the sink quickly and then looked at the tall man. The tall man had a massive amount of brown beard upon his chin, and even with that tight light grey t-shirt Julian could see there were tons of tattoos on his body, and muscle too.

_ Hot body _ .

_ What _ ?

Julian quickly swept that random idea away, blaming it on the alcohol in his body system. 

“Ok, not sure why you are staring at me. But you gotta go, the club is closing.” The man had a strong German accent when he talked, and Julian found it very sexy.

_ Stop! _

Julian rubbed his face helplessly, as he felt his mind wasn’t under his control as all.

“You alright?” The man walked towards Julian, and then one hand was already on Julian’s shoulder.

“No..” Julian wasn’t lying.

The man stared at Julian for a while. Julian swore he felt so uncomfortable with that gaze fixing on him, those eyes seeing through him like he’s naked. Julian dodged those eyes, head banging llow and eyes looking down.

“What’s your name?” That man asked.

“Julian.” 

Julian surprisingly found his voice was trembling.

“You know it’s forbidden to do drugs here, right?”

Julian’s body was tensed up right away once he heard what that man said. He jerked his head up and looked at the German man in disbelief. 

That man cocked his brow up and glanced at the line of cocaine on the sink. 

“No, no, I didn’t, I mean I wasn’t. I don’t want to do it. My-my friend left here, but I didn’t do it. I-I-I-don’t do..” Julian shook his head unstopped, panicking and trying to collect his words making a sensible sentence.

Only the other man looked at him with a smirk on his face, like everything was a comedy to him.

“...please don’t call the police.” Julian’s shoulder dropped.

The hand that was on Julian’s shoulder tightened a bit more. “No worries. I won’t.” That man’s voice was surprisingly soft now.

After Julian blinked a couple of times, he lowered his eyes again and let out a relieved sigh.

“Thank you. I should’ve warned them. But…” 

That man took his hand off Julian and shrugged. “It’s whatever as long as you’re careful with it.”

Julian shook his head slowly. “I don’t want to do it.”

“You sure? Because you were standing there looking like you’re about to do it.”

Julian looked up at that man again, mouth slightly opened. “You saw me…?”

“Well I was here waiting for the last customer to get out here so we can close. But to your question, yes, I did.”

“I don’t know. I’m drunk enough to do stupid shit, but..” Julian’s voice trailed off as he felt ashamed of his action.

“Yeah yeah drunk or not, you really should get going. Go find your friends and I’m going to clean the mess.” 

Julian stood straight a bit more, feeling his head was much clearer now. He nodded at the tall German man with a grateful smile and then swiftly got out the bathroom.

When Julian managed to get out of the nightclub, he didn’t see his friends there waiting for him. Instead he only found the rain was pouring down heavily. Julian pulled out his phone but desperately found it dead already. He stood at the door of the club avoiding getting wet. His mind was clear now but the alcohol in his system was still eating him alive crawling inside him making him dizzy and sloppy.

Julian let his weight fall on the brick wall that’s right next to the door, looking at the heavy rain upset. He’s lost. The whole night was fun indeed but it ended with a mess. Being caught with drugs, abandoned by his friends in a city that he didn’t know at all, Julian felt his desperation rolling over him. 

Was he really going to be homeless tonight? Plus it’s raining, so it’s not like he could actually sleep on the street. Where was he supposed to go?

“Look who’s here getting abandoned by his friends.”

Heavy German accent. Julian had a feeling that he knew who that was, so he didn’t even look back to confirm his guessing.

“Yep.” Julian popped the “p” hard at that word, feeling annoyed by that man’s teasing.

“Need a place to crush? Little Frenchie.”

Julian tilted his head and looked at the other man cautiously. A sincere grin on that man’s face, and Julian still kept his suspicion. “Are you serious? I mean… I don’t know.” 

“Yep.” That man mocked Julian's earlier pronouncing and then gave him a raised brow. “Just take the not to trust strangers situations like a nice trusting hitch hiker. Sure it sounds suspicious but hey I work here, if that counts as a validation and, to be honest I’m your only option here.”

Julian fought a small but intended mental battle in his head while that German man waited patiently. Eventually, after a quick glance at the rain, Julian nodded slowly.

“Great.” The German man patted Julian’s back and then put his arm around Julian’s shoulder pulling Julian closer, and his other hand held the umbrella above both of them. “Let’s head to the parking lot.”

Julian was tall but compared to the other man, his head only can reach that man’s neck. Julian could clearly feel the warmth heating from that man’s strong arm and chest. If Julian looked to his left slightly, he could easily see that light grey T-shirt wrapped tightly on that man’s toned body. 

Too tight. Way too tight.

Julian felt his face was heating up, unsure it’s because of how tight the German man was holding him or the muscular chest wrapped under the tight T-shirt.

As they walked slowly under the rain, Julian cleared his throat trying to break the silence so he could ease his mind a bit.

“What’s your name?” Julian asked shyly.

“Oh, yeah. Totally forgot to tell you my name.” That man chuckled loudly. “Dom. Call me Dom”

_ Dom _ .

Julian repeated in his mind.

“Do-“

Just about Julian asked another question, Dom stopped him and interrupted him. “Get in before you get wet.” 

It was an all white Impala, nice and shiny under the warm street light. The rain was washing over it, but it didn’t kill the beauty of it. 

Julian opened the door and quickly seated, as Dom ran to the other side and sat in as well. The car blocked every noise from the outside, so inside of the car It’s so quiet that Julian could hear Dom’s breaths. 

Dom started the car, without any words, they’re on their way.

“So where are we going?” Julian asked, looking at Dom curiously.

“My place.” Dom answered without looking at Julian.

“Cool, cool.” Julian fell silent for a minute before he asked again. “So… what do you do at the club? Bartender?”

“Uh, no, I’m more like a coordinator.” Dom answered and gave Julian a quick glance before he kept his attention fully on the road.

“So like a party planner?”

Dom didn’t reply right away, he looked like he was thinking of his supposed answer to Julian’s question.

“Just some business stuff. Not about the party.” Dom answered slightly bluntly.

Julian nodded, realizing Dom had no interest in this topic so he changed it real quick.

“So do you do this often? You know, pick lost customers up and give them a place to stay for the night.”

The car stopped at the red light. Dom turned his head and looked at Julian with a playful smile. “No, I don’t. I’m no shelter for anyone. You know you ask a lot of questions right?”

Julian rolled his eyes at Dom. “Well, if I’m spending a night with a stranger, I better know what kind of person he is.”

“Too late. You’re in my car now. I could strangle you right here and no one could hear you screaming in the rain.” Dom’s hummed in amusement and nibbled Julian’s cheek.

Julian’s eyes widened as he still could feel the leftover warmth from that man’s fingertips on his cheek. He rubbed his cheek and dodged Dom’s eyes. “Yeah right. Then do me a favor and tell my parents I love them.”

Dom bursted into a laugh. He pressed the gas paddle and the car started moving again. 

“Then why did you let me stay at your place?” Julian muttered.

“Because, for a pretty boy like you, even I didn’t, someone would anyway. And I highly doubt they will have the same good interest as I do. So yeah, you’re welcome.” Dom kept his smile on his face.

Julian didn’t even notice he’s smiling at Dom’s words. 

It took them about 30 minutes to arrive at Dom’s place. When Julian stepped in the apartment, the smell of marijuana and cigarettes pervaded the whole place, but the place was still tidy and neat. 

“Welcome to my little cave. And as a guest, please take off your shoes. If you want to smoke something, I have full supplements here.” Dom winked at Julian.

Julian sighed and shook his head. He soon seated himself on the soft couch. “No thanks, I’m too tired for that. I just need a good sleep.” Julian yawned and let his head fall on the back of the couch.

“No shower?” Dom asked as he started to take his T-shirt off.

Julian found himself couldn’t move his eyes away from the flexing muscle and the tanned line on that man’s arms. When every muscle moved, it made Julian's mouth even drier. Reminding him the porn he watched, a muscular “daddy” breaking the young boy, the muscle and beard were like a match about to lit up Julian’s thirsty soul and body.

“How old are you, Dom?”

Julian asked without even thinking. He wanted to know the answer so bad.

Dom threw his shirt on the bed, and looked at Julian interestly. 

“33. Why?”

Julian felt his heart was beating so fast as if it was about to jump out of his chest. It was a perfect age for him. He swallowed the hard lump in his throat and licked his dry lips quickly.

A corner of Dom’s mouth lifted up. 

“I see what is going on here. Our little Frenchie likes what he sees, huh?” 

Dom walked up and stopped in front of Julian.

“Do you want me to take this off?” Dom put his hands at the belt on his jeans and asked with temptations.

Julian inhaled sharply, he was inches away from Dom’s crotch. He didn’t even dare to look up at Dom, but he could feel the burning hot gaze fixing at him.

To answer Dom’s question, Julian would love to see that man stripping but… but what came next wasn’t something Julian’s ready. Julian had never even kissed anyone before, don’t even mention sex. He’s only 18 after all. However he’s been eager to try, and the only problem was he couldn’t find an ideal one. 

What Julian didn’t prepare was that he met Dom today. This man had triggered his sexual appealing side almost every second. Julian had to distract himself to stop his wilding mind. 

So did he want to do this?

“Yes.” 

Voice raspy and trembling, Julian bit his bottom lip and nodded.

Dom raised his brows in surprise. He got on his knee and looked at Julian directly. 

“No, you’re drunk.”

Julian’s jaw dropped. Did this man just reject him? After all the teasing and he rejected Julian? How could he even do this to him? Yes, he was still drunk but not like he didn’t know what he’s doing now. 

Julian grabbed that man’s shoulder and crushed his lips on Dom’s.

The first kiss should be good.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t what Julian thought of. Instead of being gentle and lovely, Don kissed back right away, tongue aggressively invading the French man’s. Julian was shaking maybe, but he’s not sure, because right now all his senses were focusing on his mouth. He could tell Dom wasn’t a gentle kind, just from the way he led the kiss. Doc would even bite his bottom lips and sucked his tongues until Julian at the edge of fainting. It wasn’t what Julian expected, but he liked it. 

Julian’s breathing quickened as did Dom’s. Julian had thought of pushing away, but he’s not sure if he wanted or not. On one hand, he felt like it’s wrong to do this with a stranger, but he also liked the kiss a lot. And the dubious thoughts had quickly drowned out as Dom pulled his hair roughly and started nuzzling his neck. Helplessly letting out a moan, Julian felt the wet and soft tongue now lingering on his neck. 

“You’re sensitive here.” Dom smirked.

Julian couldn’t answer vocally, so he gripped Dom’s shoulder tighter and moaned even louder to show how much he loved that.

_ Not a virgin anymore.  _

That’s what Julian thought when he felt Dom entered him. He’s not sure if he should cry or laugh right now. He should be happy that he finally out the virgin zone, but fuck, didn’t this hurt? Julian couldn’t help but let out a cry, and he was actually crying as he could tell there was something warm rolling down his cheek.

“You’re tight. Almost too ti-” Dom behind him suddenly stopped. “Are you a virgin?”

Julian sucked his tears back like a brave little kid, teeth gritting. “Just fuck me already.” He felt like he wanted this to end soon.

“Shit.” 

Julian thought the Dom guy probably loved the way he asked him to fuck him, because he could tell the dick inside him now was even harder. 

“I’ll fuck you, but only under your request. Consent is sexy.” Dom leaned downwards and whispered to Julian, as he slowly pushed more into Julian.

“Now tell me, what do you want me to do.” Like a devil whispering some spell in Julian’s head, Julian bit his bottom lips as he said it out loud with a shaking voice.

“Please, fuck me. Fuck me like I’m your little whore.”

Now Julian blamed this to those gay porns he watched, that made him had this kink - being fucked roughly like he’s a little slut. 

“Yes, say that again.”

Julian screamed uncontrollably when he felt that hard cock thrusting against his prostate. Snap. His brain went blank for a second, and all he could feel was being bent down and fucked. 

“Harder, fuck me ha-harder, fuck-”

Julian lost his voice as he felt a hand cover his dick and start stroking it in pace.

“You fucking whore, look how hard you are right now.”

_ Yes. I’m the whore _ . For a second, Julian could see his parents, friends inside his head watching him with a disgusted look. However that didn’t stop Julian from getting closer to his orgasm, instead that made him even more sensitive. He enjoyed the shame a bit too much that he wanted them to know he’s a dick-thirsty slut, and he’s bent down and getting fucked from behind like a bitch. The shameful feeling made Julian moan even louder.

“I’ll make you my bitch. Now turn around and take my seed.” 

It’s an order, an order Julian was happy to take. Soon the dick was pulled out from his firm ass, Julian turned around and kneed down between Dom’s legs with his mouth hung open.

Like a sheep that’s waiting to be fed, once the hot liquid spread on his face, Julian felt his ego was crushed but in a good way, he finally finished his ritual, getting this man’s seed all over his face like he’s only good use for sex. With a thought of that, Julian body twicthed, he came so hard, without hands.

Julian laid on the bed, feeling his body was burning after the orgasm. Poor Julian had been through a lot today and the alcohol and sex had exhuasted him completely. He closed his eyes and then quickly passed out.

When Julian actually woke up again, he only felt his head was throbbing hard. He groaned loudly as he sat up, and soon he fell back flat on the bed again because he was all dizzy. Worst hangover he ever had, right now it’s killing him. 

He rubbed his face and drifted his eyes to his side and only found Dom sleeping next to him. Julian let out a light sigh thinking how reckless he was letting a stranger take his virginity. As he’s sober now, it’s not something he’s proud of, but definitely no regrets because he still remembered how hood the sex was. 

The only problem was how he’s going to sneak out this place without waking that man up. He was aware this was just a one night stand thing, and plus he needed to get back to Paris by Monday so there’s no way he could meet Dom again. 

Julian carefully slipped out the bed and dressed up quietly. He happily found his phone was charging by the couch, and he couldn’t appreciate Dom more for doing that. After Julian glanced back at the sleeping man one last time, he quickly left the apartment and called a Uber to the hotel where his friends and he booked.

When Julian finally sat in the Uber, he looked up at the apartment building through the window. To his surprise, he found Dom standing at one of the windows looking down at him as well. Julian’s throat tightened, he swallowed the hard lump down and quickly looked away. His heart beat in the guilt that he never thought he’d have. 

It was just a one night stand.

Julian told himself. 

  
  


***

  
  
  


The thing about one night stand was you didn’t get to see that person again, which meant that you can avoid awkward talking and everything. But Rook, or AKA Julian, unfortunately had to meet his first and only one night stand partner again.

See, Julian joined the Army after he turned 19, as he felt like he needed to do something meaningful for his life. And this young french man was doing so well in the special force that he got an invitation to join an international anti-terrorist organization called Rainbow. Of course he’s not going to say no, and thus here he was running into another operator who’s probably the last man he wanted to meet.

“Julian?”

Julian startled, knowing this voice all too well. This man still had that strong German accent after all these years. He looked to his left and his entire body tensed as he watched Dom walk down the corridor towards him.

When Dom finally stood in front of Julian, Julian had a good look at Dom. Dom now had more hair than before, but he still had that significant beard under his chin. Seven years had aged Dom more than Julian thought. Not as Dom looked very old now but more like he had been through a lot. Dom was standing there smiling, wide and disbelieving. 

“Fuck, it is you!” Dom cried out in excitement. “I heard there a new French operators joining us. I can’t believe you’re one of them.”

“Uhh, yeah.” Julian fidgeted as he chewed his bottom lips, not sure what to say.

“What a small world, right?” The taller man offered a hand, with a soft smile on his face.

“Sure, Dom” Julian felt his face was heating up after he realized he’s acting like an awkward disaster in front of this man. He quickly shook the other man’s hand in politeness. 

“Dominic. That’s my name. But I don’t mind a pretty boy like you calling me Dom.” Dominic lifted one corner of his mouth, leaned closer and whispered to Julian.

Julian jumped after he felt the hot breath tickling his ear. His face was burning red as he felt his heartbeat start speeding up.

“Anyway.” Dominic held a hand up and walked backwards. “Good to see you again. Maybe we can catch up soon. If you know what I mean.” 

Dominic gave Julian a wink before he quickly left the hallway.

Julian sighed in relief, rubbing his face and feeling helpless. He had a bad feeling about this reunite.

  
  


***

It’s no lie that Julian was the most outgoing and bubbly one among the base. He could get along with anyone, and that included the scary brazilian woman and spetsnaz boys. He would run around the base just to help another recruit or operators. He would wake up early just so he could feed those birds outside. He acted like a kid in his spare time but he’s all professional when he’s on missions. That really impressed one of the old operators - Doc.

Doc, or Gustavo as what Julian would call him, really liked Julian in a platonic way. He looked after Julian as Julian was his little brother. He taught Julian about many things from how not to piss the red-hair American woman to what to do when he’s injured. Those were really small things but still Gustavo won Julian’s trust very quickly. Julian would tell Gustavo everything when he’s in trouble, simply because Julian had already considered Gustavo as his mentor. 

But not this time, not about Dominic. This time Julian kept his little secret from anyone.

Dominic's name had always been around. Dominic was a troublemaker, and Julian had already lost count how many times he heard Gustavo’s complaint about him.

_ “Dominic stole Fuze’s cluster charger and filled it with confetti” _

_ “Dominic kidnapped Sledge’s dog again, it’s like 3 times already this month” _

_ “Dominic stole Caveira’s knife. Well he ended up getting a broken nose anyway” _

_ “Dominic started a food fight today. How old is he??” _

Dominic this, Dominic that. Julian was seriously sick of hearing this man’s name since it only reminded him how awkward the things were between them. However Julian still couldn’t help wondering what kind of person Dominic was. He worked at a nightclub when Julian first met him, and 7 years later he’s in Rainbow? What exactly happened in these 7 years that changed a man this dramatically? 

Julian soon received answers from Dominic, which happened during their second encounter after Julian joined Rainbow.

Julian stayed up unusually late that night. There was something bothering him, stopping him from falling asleep, but he didn’t know what it was. He just kept turning and rolling on his bed, but every position felt uncomfortable. Eventually he got up and walked out of his dorm.

When he walked out base, his eyes caught someone sitting on the soccer field alone. He recognized that person right away, so he hesitated for a moment wondering if he should go over there or not.

“Okay, stop standing there and creeping on me!” 

Julian cocked his brow, surprised at Dominic knowing he’s standing here.

“Well, well, well, look who’s here.” Dominic looked over his shoulder, a playful smile lit up his face.

Julian sighed, walking to that man and sitting down by him. 

“What’s up, Julian?” Dominic held his head with one hand, looking at Julian sincerely.

Julian moves his eyes away from the other man, managing to look up at the sky. “Just...can’t sleep.”

“Champion! And here I am offering you some good sleeping pills.” 

A bottle of whiskey now was held in front of Julian.  _ No, not again.  _ Julian felt like he could already feel the hangover by just looking at the half-full bottle.

“No, thanks.”

“Last time I met you, you were basically an alcoholic.” Dominic shrugged and took a sip from the bottle by himself.

“Well, you’re more like an alcoholic right now.” Julian glared at him in disatification.

“Always assumed me the worst. You too, Bambi?” Dominic looked hurt, a hand placed over his left chest.

“Not like that, but you’re drinking from a bottle. And don’t call me Bambi!” Julian rolled his eyes and turned his head away.

“What’s your name then?” Julian could hear that man’s chuckling. 

“It’s Julian. You knew my na-“ Then Julian suddenly realized what Dominic was talking about. “ uh, Nizan. Julian Nizan.”

“Brunsmeier, Dominic Brunsmeier.” 

Julian jerked his head to Dominic. He looked at Domini in disbelief .

“Why are you surprised? You thought I gave you a fake one when we first met?” Dominic laughed out loud. “See, you people always assumed the worst of me.”

“What do you mean you people? Plus you only told me that you’re called Dom.” Julian all of sudden felt offended. 

“You people, as everyone except myself. Chill out.” Dominic cheered his bottle to Julian and took another sip.

Julian stared at Dominic, observing every detail on that man’s face. His instinct was telling him that Dominic wasn’t joking. Julian wondered if people actually always assumed Dominic the worst? Maybe yes, Dominic didn’t seem like he had a lot of friends, well yes he’s always around people, but here he was drinking by himself. Dominic didn’t have close friends. Julian's heart tightened a bit - he felt bad for Dominic.

“What do you mean by people always assuming the worst of you ?” 

Dominic looked at Julian for a while, then he chugged a good amount of whiskey down.

“You wanna know? So here’s my story. Remember when we met for the first time? You know, when you were stupid drunk. Yes, at that time I was an undercover. Surprise! I had to deal drugs and even killed people. And I guess, I was kinda a junkie for a while. I came clean after the mission was over. But see, people don’t trust a junkie, ex-junkie, ex-gang member or whatever you like to call. You see these tattoos? I used to like them a lot, but now they keep reminding me of my old days. And honey, you would not want to know what happened back in my old days. I was a police officer, and I believed I was a good person. And now, it’s hard to say that I’m a  _ good _ person. Undercover or no, it made no difference. I-” 

Dominic paused sharply. Julian could see Dominic’s hand nervously nibbling a corner of his shirt while another hand held the bottle. 

Julian wasn’t sure what to say. He wanted to comfort the nervous man in front of him, but he failed to find words right now. He just sat there and felt bad for Dominic.

“You gotta stop looking at me with those Bambi eyes.” Dominic let out a dry laugh trying to soften the atmosphere. “Or I’m going to kiss you.”

Julian’s heart skipped a beat. He didn’t let his eyes move away from Dominic. Julian was thinking Dominic looked somehow vulnerable at this moment, even though he’s joking but that didn’t sound like a joke. Why did Dominic tell him his story? They barely knew each other(though they still slept together once). Maybe Dominic trusted him in a way? Julian didn’t know the answer of those questions, but there was one thing he knew.

“I never thought you’re a bad person. When we first met, I trusted you even though you're basically a stranger to me. And for now, you’re my teammate though we haven't had a chance to go on missions together, I trust my teammates. And my instinct was never wrong.” Julian assured the other man with a sincere smile. “Nobody’s perfect and it wasn’t your fault that you had to kill. It was your job, and you knew you had to do it. Don’t blame it all on yourself. You had already been through too much.”

Dominic looked shocked for a second but then he nodded and looked away.

“Hey.” Julian apparently was not satisfied with Dominic’s reaction, so he grabbed the other man’s hand in a hurry. “Don’t look down on yourself. You literally sacrificed a slice of your life to take down a gang, in which you saved more people than you thought. I mean, you’re a good person, otherwise, I wouldn’t…” Julian’s voice trailed off, as he hesitated to say the rest of words.

Then Julian heard Dominic sighed. Dominic turned his head and faced Julian. “You really shouldn’t sleep with me.” Dominic said it quietly.

Julian frowned. He held Dominic’s hand tighter. “What are you talking about? It was… was.. good..” Julian said it as he felt his face heating up, and then he looked away shyly. 

“Say that again, Julian.” 

Julian’s body tensed up immediately. Those words were so familiar, as if it’s an order, an order that he accepted long long ago.

_ “Yes, say that again.” _

_ “Please, fuck me.” _

“Julian, do you want me to kiss you? You know, consent is sexy.”

  
  
  


_ Consent is sexy. _

Dominic’s words longing inside his mind, making Julian all of sudden miss his virgin sex much.

Julian looked up slowly only finding Dominic was looking at him seriously. It wasn’t like the last time where Dominic was still Dom who was just for one night stand, but instead, this time, Julian could feel there was something more sensational in his eyes. 

Was that affection?

Julian was hesitating, but Dominic wasn’t patient enough. Dominic pulled himself away quickly, then he took a sip from the bottle. “Aha, don’t mind me. I’m probably drunk.”

Julian blinked for a moment before he realized that he regretted very quickly.

He, Julian, indeed wanted to kiss Dominic.

“W-“

Julian’s words were interrupted by Dominic’s phone rang. 

“Sorry Bambi, gotta take this one.” Dominic gave Julian a quick smile and then he stood up and answered the phone.

Dominic was talking in Germany, but in Julian’s ear Dominic sounded angry. When Dominic was finally done with the call, he didn’t even give a chance to let Julian talk.

“Uh, I gotta go. It's an emergency. It’s Marius. We will talk soon, ok? See you around Bambi.” 

Dominic left in a hurry, leaving Julian behind. Julian opened his mouth wanting to say something to stop that man, but it’s too late as Dominic had already disappeared in the dark. 

Julian stares at the direction where Dominic left, feeling something had lost in his heart. Julian eventually let out a sigh, turning his eyes to the sky. It was a beautiful night, with a clear sky full of stars. But Julian now was in no mood to enjoy the view, only letting his mind drift towards that German man. 

_ Bambi. _

Julian kind of liked the nickname now.

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Julian was warned by Gustavo about Dominic. Gustavo told him that “Dominic would only be a bad influence to you”, which Julian pretended to agree with. Why all of a sudden Gustavo cared about him and Dominic? Maybe it’s because Julian had asked Gustavo about Dominic several times. And Gustavo suspected there was some sort of connection or relation between Julian and Dominic. Julian managed to pull some lies to fool Gustavo but Gustavo’s still suspicious about it.

Julian had asked himself why he hadn’t told Gustavo about his little secret friendship between him and Dominic. The only reason he could think was that the whole thing was complicated. 

Dominic popped his cherry and then now Julian believed he may or may not have a little crush on Dominic. Julian questioned himself hundred of times whether he had a crush or not, but what he could say, since he had dreamed about that man way too many times already. 

See, Julian was a simple man with a simple mind. He liked something, and he would go for it, unless that thing had been taken. Julian really wanted to help Dominic but at the same time he also wanted to, uh, have sex with him. Last time when they were sitting under the starlight, having a “therapy session”, it made Julian realize how fragile Dominic was in fact. And then the whole “consent is sexy” thing woke Julian’s dirty little kink up.

In other words, Julian wanted to hug that man tightly and tell him that he’s not what he thought, and on the other hand he wanted to bend down and accept Dominic’s cock pounding from behind. 

_ Oh god. _

Julian placed both his hands upon his face blocking the unholy images inside his head.

Times flew. It’s been a month since the “therapy session” happened between Dominic and Julian. And Julian wasn’t happy. There were pretty many reasons why he’s not happy and 99% of them were about Dominic.

The first reason was Dominic teased Julian too much. 

No matter how hard Julian tried to contribute a conversation, Dominic always kept their talk at a certain level, a flirty level that only found no affection and sincere in it. Yes, Dominic was still that Dominic who teased Julian with an amusing smirk and even some inappropriate jokes and behaviors, but that was it. Julian had never seen those eyes filled with sentiment like that night again, and he was desperately keen to see them again. 

There was one time where Julian secretly noted down the time when Dominic showed up for breakfast in the morning, and he made his appearance right on time when Dominic was walking in the cafe. Dominic spotted Julian at the entrance in surprise. 

“I thought you’d be up earlier.” Dominic pushed the door open and gave Julian a “please” gesture.

“Should I be flattered that you keep up with my daily schedule?” Julian walked in as he fixed his gaze at Dominic.

Dominic shook his head with a light chuckle and followed Julian in. “Aren’t you the one stalking me around like a fan girl?”

The hand was supposed reaching for the food tray now froze in the air. Then another hand covered Julian’s hand and led it to grab the food tray. The hand was so warm that Julian did not want to let it go.

“Didn’t know I have to teach you how to use a food tray  _ hand in hand _ .” 

Too close. Dominic was way too close to Julian, looking over Julian’s shoulder and whispering to Julian’s ear.

Then Julian threw his croissant at Dominic and walked out the cafe with a burning face.

Conversation like that could be frustrating and thrilling at the same time but Julian was not done with it. He knew Dominic was just playing his role. Under the prankster’s mask there was something vulnerable and profound, but Dominic made it like those weren’t for Julian. Dominic was like a piece of art, once Julian assumed he knew what this painting meant, soon another brushing of color confused him - it’s so obvious but puzzling at the same time. 

However, Julian was the stubborn kind. He wanted to get closer to Dominic, and maybe even heal his inner wounds with his love. As cheesy as that sounded, that’s what the young French man was really willing to do. He desperately wanted to enter that man’s heart, but the door had always been closed. Oh no, it was opened for once, but soon it was locked again.

  
  


The second thing that made Julian upset was actually jealousy.

Julian had always found Dominic was surrounded by someone. Remember when Julian thought Dominic was always kind of a loner? Well now he thought he could’ve been wrong, because now Dominic had another blonde young man around him.

Not  _ another _ . He was never actually around him.

Julian stared at himself through the mirror, finding he felt a little bit sad after realizing that he actually was never around Dominic. It was not like that person had replaced him, because Julian was never there for Dominic. That person probably knew Dominic better than him anyway. He spoke German - he was German after all. He would have so many common topics to chat with Dominic. They went on mission together. And they even lived in the same dorm which meant whenever one of them wanted to do something they could just walk to next door. It was, no matter what, better than be with Julian, right?

Marius had beautiful blonde hair just like him. He was young and energetic as well. He had beautiful blue eyes too. He… was just a better version of Julian for Dominic.

Julian’s nose was burning as he thought of all kinds of stuff Dominic and Jäger could be doing right now. He wiped the tears before they could roll down. It’s painful to just think about how Jäger could get so close to Dominic but he could not. He hated the fact that Jäger and him had so much in common, but in Dominic’s eyes Julian probably wasn’t the apple.

That’s why Julian made a change. 

Julian sighed lightly staring at his hair that used to be beautifully blonde but now dark brown instead. 

Dark brown.

It doesn’t look bad really. It actually made Julian look more mature somehow. However that didn’t mean Julian was actually more mature, otherwise he wouldn’t dye his hair just for Dominic. He’s like a kid who wanted to stand out in the crowd, to catch his crush’s eyes.

When Julian walked around the base, everyone looked shocked and that included Dominic. Dominc’s jaw dropped dramatically, as his eyes fixed at Julian who just walked in the common room. 

Great. Julian was quite satisfied with Dominic’s reaction, though the satisfaction was soon replaced by jealousy as he saw Marius sitting next to Dominic. After Julian poured himself a coffee and ignored chattering in the room, he quickly left the room and unintentionally slammed the door close behind leaving shocking operators behind.

He had to admit that he might or might not slam the door that hard on purpose, but what he could do when all the frustration flooded him like waves. He expected Dominic to walk up to him and talk to him about the hair, compliment or criticizing he genuinely didn’t care.

The very next day, Julian had finally accomplished what he wanted.

Julian was in the gym just about to finish his last lifting when Dominic walked in. A very good timing since there was no one in the gym but only two of them.

Julian dropped his dumbbells and sat up from the bench. He chugged a good amount of water from his bottle as his eyes uncontrollably drifted to the man who was now standing in front of him.

“What?” Julian glared at smiling Dominic who had his arms crossed upon his chest and back leaned on the huge mirror wall. 

“Nothing really. Just want to say: nice hair dude.” Dominic tilted his head to Julian’s hair and gave him a thumbs up.

Julian blinked at the comment. “Well, thanks.”

“Not gonna lie. I prefer this actually.”Dominic stood straight and placed a hand on top of Julian’s head, messing with Julian’s dark hair.

Julian didn’t move and let that man mess with his hair. Feeling a rush of warmth coming from his heart, Julian accepted Dominic’s words happily. 

Fingers curling into those soft hair, Dominic embraced a bright smile to himself sitting on the training bench. Too bad Julian couldn’t see the hearted smile from Dominic who’s standing behind him.

“Dominic.”

“Yes?”

Julian closed his eyes, letting out a soft sigh. This was the first time Dominic didn’t do any terrible jokes or teasing to him, and it’s also his chance. Maybe he’d get rejected, but he had to try.

“Do you want to kiss me?”

Fidgeting Julian said it, and his voice still echoed inside the gym lingering between these two men. 

An anxious silence falling in the room made Julian think he probably had failed. Before the disappointment could even hit him, a pair of warm lips pressed upon Julian’s lips, almost making him squeal. Julian shot his eyes open, seeing Dominic was right here kissing him, slowly and gently.

It wasn’t like the kiss they had 7 years ago, but more sensational. Dominic softly grabbed Julian’s hair and another hand placed upon Julian’s cheek. The kiss between them was slow and soft, comforting in ways that word would never be. Dominic’s thumb caresses Julian’s jawline as their breaths mingled. Julian ran his finger down Dominic’s spine, pulling him closer until there was no space left between them

Warmth radiated from Dominic’s lips, slowly spreading through the rest of Julian. 

He wanted it. He wanted everything from Dominic. 

Julian couldn’t help to notice how hard he was at the moment, for just a kiss from Dominic. His body was flushing with heat, and he wanted it now. Right now.

“Dom, I want more.”

Dominic groaned at Julian’s request. The kiss turned more violent as Dominic’s hands started pulling Julian’s tank top up.

Julian moaned loudly when Dominic thrusted into him. Dominic was sitting and leaning his back against the mirror wall.

They are having sex in the gym, without even care about if other people would walk into them.

Julian winced slightly as Dominic’s fingernails scraped down his back. It was the pain that he had been looking for, a very good kind. Julian shifted and grabbed onto the wall, and without breaking the rhythm too much he continued moving.

“God, you’re so tight. Have you been fucked by anyone else?”

Julian nodded helplessly, head bouncing back and forth, eyes shutting tightly.

“You little whore. Of course you did. You can’t even survive a day without a dick inside you.” Dominic growled roughly grabbing onto Julian’s hips. “But now, I’m the only one who can fuck you. Get it? You’re my own whore!”

Unable to reply verbally Julian nodded vigorously. Flexing his thighs he continued lifting and slamming himself back down onto Dominic. Dominic, for his part, moaned and thrust upward to meet him every time.

“Say it.” Dominic ordered pounding into Julian’s burning-hot hole over and over again.

Julian panted and gasped trying to breathe with his head canted backward and held there by Dominic’s rough grip in his hair.

“Uhnn… I’m… your… cock s-... Uhhnnn…” Julian moaned in lust, failing to put his words together.

“Say it,” Dominic hissed.

“Cock… slut.”

Julian’s face burned in shame but it was nothing compared to the pain and pleasure that shot through his ass as Dominic continued to drive into him at a brutal pace.

“Mine,” Dominic shouted, increasing his speed.

It was all Julian could do not to cry out as Dominc’s cock worked in and out of him. When Dominic’s dick hit his prostate he arched backward and screamed. His over sensitized dick twitched against his will.

How long had they been doing this in the gym? Julian lost track of time already, and all he wanted to focus was how good Dominic’s dick felt inside him. He had already come too many times. The last 2 times had been dry fires. He hadn’t had any come left by then. He didn’t know if he could take going through that again. But Julian let Dominic continue to slam into his prostate causing Julian's traitorous dick to stiffen painfully.

Oh god, Julian loved this so much, way  _ too _ much. 

  
  


-

  
  


It was another day when Julian woke up grimacing in the hotel room. Opening his eyes Julian glanced over his shoulder and found Dominic was sleeping soundly. Somewhere in Julian’s heart he’s happy to see this man stayed after sex. It’s not like Dominic ever left after sex, but Julian still doubt if Dominic would stay every time.

Julian guessed they’re in a certain relationship, but he’s unsure as usual. Sometimes they act like they're a couple. they would go get breakfast together after a night of sex, or they would hangout at base a lot together which didn’t really amuse Doc in a way. And the frequency of Rook sneaking out the base and spending nights outside made Doc even more suspicious about something. Julian could tell soon or later Doc would find out, but he couldn’t care less. He’s glad he somehow grew a certain relationship with Dominic anyway.

However none of them ever talked or confirmed their relationship, which bothered Julian a bit. Julian always wanted to ask, but on the other hand he’s also too scared to hear the answer that he didn’t want to hear. Dominic didn’t look like the type who would settle for a serious relationship, right? 

“You think too loud, Bambi.” Dominic muttered as he turned around and hugged Julian from behind, arms draping around Julian’s waist.

“Good morning to you as well.” Julian sighed in content, trying to not let his emotions get all over him.

“You know you always have that look when you’re bothering yourself with all those thoughts.” Dominic laid a feathery kiss upon Julian’s neck. 

“What look?”

“Not going to tell you. Maybe next time you should see yourself in the mirror.” 

Julian chuckled. He turned his face to Dominic who looked at him amusingly as usual. 

“Now give me a morning kiss, Bambi.” Dominic stuck his mouth towards Julian.

Julian pushed Dominic away a bit and giggled. “No, you stink!”

“Aww you didn’t say that last night when you shovel your dick in-“

“Ah shut up!” Julian’s face was immediately covered by heavy pink.

“I love you’re such a different person during sex.” Dominic held a hand out and pulled Julian back to him. “But too bad we won’t have time for a spicy morning workout.”

“Why?” Julian regretted right away after he asked, because he knew what Dominic would say next

“You miss my dick already? Such a thirsty little boy.”

Exactly.

Though Dominic wasn’t wrong. Julian indeed couldn’t get tired of Dominic’s dick. It was just so good to feel that thick and veiny thing all filled up his emptiness. Every thrusting that touched his prostate was like about to send him to paradise, and the rough way Dominic broke him was so addicting. Julian could never get enough from it.

“Alrighty, now you’re thinking about it.” Dominic whispered into Julian’s ear, hands running upon Julian’s smooth chest.

Julian let out a quiet whine when those hands began circling around his nipples. He’s not that into nipple play but when Dominic did it he just magically felt more sensitive there. It was Dominic’s magic.

“Maybe a quick one.” Dominic’s voice was more raspy and lower as he started sliding a hand under Julian’s boxers. “Moan again, and I will give you what you want.”

No need for orders, Julian was already moaning when that hand started cupping his semi-hard cock and stroking it roughly. And when the nails harshly digged a bit into the slit, Julian cried out loud. It was a cry out of joy. The pain was just too good.

“More please.” Julian caught a chance and begged.

Dominic smirked. 

“As you wish, you little slut.”

Dominic pinned Julian down on the bed, lowered his head and sniffed heavily upon Julian’s chest. “You smell so good.”

“Dom, please.” Julian begged again. He swore if he could he would slap this man to shut his mouth up, but not now because during their sex he’s the submissive one who must obey and not to act up. So he could only beg, like a horny slut, but only for Dominic.

Only for Dominic. He’s  _ only _ this man’s slut.

Dominic let his tongue do the work, gently flicking the hardened nipple, then sometimes licking it. Like a plaything, Dominic was playing the nipple with his warm and wet tongue while his hand stroked Julian’s leaking dick tightly. Every time Dominic’s hand went upward his thumbnail dug into the slit a little bit more. He knew what Julian liked. And that’s when he finally bit the hardened nipple with his teeth right before Julian cried out of joy and pain. He pulled the nipple with the right amount of force with his teeth that made Julian’s cock leak out more precum.

Julian couldn’t help but put his hand upon his swollen dick to stop Dominic’s movement. “Please no-no more, ah, Dom, no, I’m going to come.”

Dominic grabbed both Julian’s wrist with his hand and held them over Julian’s head. “You do  _ not _ get to tell me what to do.” He pulled up the sheet and tied Julian’s hand over the headboard.

“Remember the safeword?”

Julian’s eyes sparkled once he heard Dominic’s words. He knew what’s coming for the next, and he’s even more excited now.

“Banana boat.” Julian nodded quickly as he said the word out loud trying to show the other man that he remembered it well.

“Good boy.” Dominic patted Julian’s cheek lightly with a hearted praising.

Julian purred.

Good boy. He’s Dominic’s good boy, and he will always be.

The quicky didn’t end up being a quicky but rather a long one, and that’s why they’re an hour late for their training.

When they were just about to quietly sneak into the main building before anyone caught them, Doc’s angry voice froze them right at that moment.

“You two! Stop right there!”

Julian’s eye shifted to Dominic nervously and only found that the man's face was stiff as well. Julian’s heart sank to his stomach as he realized both of them were doomed.

“Where did you guys go last night?” Doc crossed his arms upon his chest looking at the other two men who still kept their poses frozen.

Dominic was the first one who moved. He turned around and gave Doc a guilty smile. “See, Gustavo, you got that one wrong, because I’m sure we both spent the night at base last night. I promise. I have no idea why you’d say such a clueless accusation.” Dominic scratched his chin and continued, “you’re a wise man and I’m sure you wouldn’t like to accuse someone without any evidence, right? And that would for sure hurt your legacy. You’re such a wonderful field doctor, and we all-”

Julian wanted to shake his head and facepalm to whatever Dominic’s saying. But he couldn’t blame him since he didn’t know Doc that much like he did. Dominic didn’t know how much Doc hated people mentioning his “legacy”, and why? That’d be another story to tell.

“You. Shut. Up.” Doc’s voice was low, so low that made Julian shivered a bit. 

Julian turned around, one hand held Dominic’s arm trying to stop him from talking more. “Gus, I’m sorry. What we did was terrible, and we will accept any punishment.” Julian tried to keep his voice sounded submissive, but being submissive for Doc was not really comfortable, not as comfortable as when he did it for Dominic.

Julian gave Dominic a quick glance and saw that man was looking at him unpleasantly.

Doc humphed, but he didn’t reply right away, instead he looked at them for several seconds. “Julian, come with me. Dominic, you go back to your room, and we will talk later.”

Julian hesitated for a moment, but he eventually let go Dominic’s arm and walked slowly towards Doc. He’s quite scared to be honest, and it’s not just because Doc’s voice was cold, but also about what Doc wanted to talk to him about. Maybe Doc figured out what it is going on between him and Dominic, and in that case Doc would strongly persuade him to cut the “shit” (Dominic, because Doc really really hates him) off. Julian looked up to Doc for a long time, and he trusted that doctor like he’s his big brother or even father sometime. If at one point, he really had to choose one between them, Julian was not sure if he would choose Dominic over Doc. This was all his guess, but whatever coming was not giving Julian a good feeling.

“Wait.” 

Julian was held by a force coming from behind. A warm hand gripped his arm tightly, stopping Julian from moving forward.

It was Dominic’s hand, warm and powerful.

“What do you want, Gustavo.” Dominic said it firmly. It wasn’t like a question but a statement. Julian did not really recognize the tone under Dominic’s voice. It sounded threatening but… protective, at the same time?

Doc scowled and let out a dry laugh. “Shouldn’t I ask you the same question? What do you want with Julian, huh? I’ve been keeping eyes on two of you recently. You really think I’m stupid enough to not know what’s happenning between you two? You know what, Dominic, I  _ am _ a wise man, and that’s why I’m not letting you get any closer to Julian anymore.”

“You can try.” Dominic snarled, looking like he would jump on Doc for a good fight at any second.

Julian inhaled sharply. This was not what he wanted at all, so he turned around and put his hands on Dominic’s shoulder trying to calm him down. “Dom, don’t start it.” Julian whispered softly. 

Julian had never seen Dominic mad before, and if he’s being honest, angry Dominic was quite scary...but sexy at the same time. 

_ Not right now! _

Julian rolled his eyes to his wild thoughts, gripping Dominic’s shoulders harder. “Just let me go. It will be fine.”

“No. You stay here.” Dominic turned his face towards Julian, sounding more soft, but Julian could still tell Dominic was not pleased by feeling how tense his shoulder muscle was. Dominic pulled Julian behind him, like a tiger who’s trying to protect his mate.

“This is ridiculous. Julian didn’t have to follow your orders unless they’re coming from higher authorization. Who do you think you’re? Out here giving orders to Julian like you’re some fucking commander. If you’re having problems with us staying out then go file a report. And see if I give shit or not. But, Gustavo-” Dominic paused, let Julian’s arm go and made one step closer to Doc. “-get the fuck out of our faces.” 

Julian almost could hear Doc’s teeth gritting. This was not going to end well. Julian knew damn well this was only going to be ugly, but he still couldn’t help to think that: was Dominic jealous about Doc?

Before Julian even finished his thoughts, the fight was already happening. Doc swung a hard punch at Dominic’s right cheek, and that made Dominic growled in pain, but Dominic didn’t back down and instead he lifted his leg and gave Doc an even harder kick at the stomach. Doc dropped on the ground, but he’s not the type who gave up this quick. He’s a good combat doctor in the field. Thus, Doc swiftly swept Dominic’s feet, which made Dominic fall on the ground hard as well. Doc jumped on top of Dominic and hit his face with another punch before Dominic punched Doc at his lower stomach again.

These two now are rolling, literally rolling on the ground, but also fighting.

“Stop!”

“Stop it!”

Julian screamed but at the same time there was another voice coming from behind. It was a deep voice with a heavy accent. Julian quickly looked back and was surprised by the person who’s running towards them.

It was Alexandra, the machine gun guy from Russia. He was all dressed in his combat uniform but without his significant helmet on. Covering with the mask, it’s hard to tell Tachanka’s facial expression, but Julian thought he sounded worried.

Good. Julian didn’t know if he should thank Tachanka right now, bad timing, but he figured there’s no way he could pull Doc and Dominic apart by himself, and Tachanka, who was incredibly strong, would be a good one to hold them apart, so he might thank him later.

And Julian was right. Tachanka quickly and effortlessly dragged Doc out of the fight as Julian pulled Dominic away by his shoulders. 

Dominic’s nose was bleeding and probably broken as well, and a side of his lips was bleeding too. And for Doc, his right eye was swollen and if you look close enough you could see his right eye was bloody as well, but other than that nothing else looked injured on his face. 

Tachanka spat some of his native language out, but Julian couldn’t understand at all.

“English, Alex, English!” Neither did Doc. Doc spat out some blood on the floor and kept his furious vision on Dominic who glared angrily back as well.

“I said, you two are stupid fucks.” Tachanka said it loud enough to make sure Dominic could hear it clear too.

Dominic rolled his eyes and tried to stand up with Julian’s help. Once he stood up, he patted Julian’s back. “I’m out. This is ridiculous.” Dominic said it annoyedly. He turned around and was already on his way leaving.

Julian bit his bottom lips, looking at Doc and Tachanka hesitantly. Doc glared back, and to Julian’s surprise Doc looked hurt in his eyes. That made Julian feel bad. 

Did he disappoint Gustavo? 

Tachanka nodded at Julian assuring him that everything would be fine.

Would it though?

Julian gave Tachanka a bitter smile, swiftly turned around and followed Dominic’s footsteps.

He really hoped everything would be fine.

  
  


***

  
  


Julian quickly took care of Dominic's wound. It wasn’t something bad, and thanks god Dominic’s nose wasn’t broken. 

Julian sighed heavily and sat next to Dominic. Julian didn’t speak up and either Dominic did. They just sat there in silence for a good amount of time.

Why was he so furious about Doc? Julian wanted to ask. Was he jealous of Doc? Julian wondered. Dominic’s early speech about “giving orders” to Julian sounded like Dominic’s the only one who could give Julian orders. Of course, Dominic never actually gave Julian any orders in daily life, but, oh dear god, when they’re on the bed, “giving orders” was their thing. Dominic was the dominated one and Julian was the submissive one. It had always been like this, and Julian was more than fine with it. But was Doc actually giving him orders all these years? 

Julian frowned at his thoughts. He never felt like Doc was forcing him doing anything, and moreover he trusted Doc for his life. Doc was always doing it for his interests. But why did he feel so uncomfortable when Doc told him to come with him? Maybe it’s because the submeaning of Doc’s words was telling him to leave Dominic, or maybe it’s because he changed a lot since he started seeing Dominic. Maybe both.

Back in old time, Julian would probably just leave with Doc without even thinking, but now he had indeed changed a lot. Since he started seeing Dominic, he had felt free never ever. The thrilling feeling when Dominic and he had to sneak out base to a hotel at night was something Julian loved. It was like he’s 18 again, back at the night where he got wasted and met Dominic for the first time. 

Dominic always let him do whatever he wanted. If he wanted a pancake with extra chocolate and then poured tons of syrup on it, Dominic would let him do it, but if it’s Doc he would only get a irked glare and then a healthy wheat pancake with no syrup at all back. If he all of sudden wanted to see puppies, Dominic would help him sneak out the base and drive him to animal shelters or shops. If he wanted to have breakfast as dinner, Dominic would drive to his favourite diner and bring him his favourite waffle, and then they would eat it together on the rooftop under the moonlight. Doc would never allow him to do such things, though Doc was doing it for his best.

Dominic meant freedom, while Doc meant discipline. 

For Julian, it’s the hardest choice ever.

Julian sighed again and turned his gaze to the man sitting next to him. Dominic was staring blankly, and he looked… almost sad. Julian felt his chest ache for a bit by just looking how dull Dominic’s eyes are. They were always bright, with a color of dark brown, and shining like two ambers reflecting hue under the sun. But now they had lost all the lights, no radiance or even a gleam. All Julian could see the endless dark swirling in those eyes. Sometimes they were like hard dark metal, cold and lifeless, but sometimes Julian found them more like the darkest black hole sucking every energy and light into the bottomless dark.

Looking down, Julian found Dominic’s hands were trembling, faintly, but he could still see it. Julian shook his head and held those shaken hands tightly. They were cold and covered by some bondages.

“Dom.” Julian called out softly.

Dominic blinked a couple of times then slowly closed his eyes. It must hurt when he kept his eyes open without blinking for that long.

“Dom.” Julian called him again, waiting for that man to reply.

Dominic was quiet for a minute and then he finally opened his mouth, but without any sound being made his mouth was left open slightly and soon closed again. Julian looked at Dominic who’s struggling to find a word to say. 

“I’m sorry.” Dominic whispered in a low voice.

Julian shook his head and looked at Dominic worriedly. “It’s fine.”

Dominic was quiet again. He pulled his hands out of Julian’s hands and started rubbing his tights timidly. He looked anxious and nervous, like something was really bothering him. 

“You don’t get it, Bambi.” Dominic muttered.

“Get what?” 

“This is wrong.”

“What is wrong? I don’t understand.” Julian raised his voice as he felt annoyed by Dominic’s unclear answer.

“Exactly. You don’t get it.” Dominic let his face sink into his palms, mumbling. “You don’t get it.”

“Of course I don’t get it, if you’re just gonna sit here and act all crazy.” Julian sat up and frowned.

Dominic tilted his head and turned his face to Julian. He pointed at Julian and then himself.

“This. This is wrong.”

Julian stared at Dominic, trying to figure out what he’s talking about. Did he mean that them being together was wrong? 

“Maybe you should listen to Gustavo.” Dominic looked away from Julian, and instead he looked at his hands. “I mean not like I want you to leave. But… but, I don’t think, uh, you know. I’m no good for you.”

Julian wanted to slap this man so bad. And also Gustavo. Stupid Gustavo! 

“Don’t you dare listen to whatever shit Gus was talking about. He just doesn’t understand you like I do. I knew you were a good person from the beginning. Dom, you were beating shit out of Gus because you feel like he was abusing his power on me. To be fair, he was just being protective. But I love how you would fight for me and protect me in your own way. I really really-“ 

Julian paused for a second, he looked at Dominic right at his eyes.

“-love you. I think I’m in love with you. And it’s too late to tell me to leave.”

Dominic kept his gaze fixing on Julian, one hand slowly reaching Julian’s jawline.

“Say that again.”

Julian leaned closer and pressed a kiss on Dominic’s injured lips.

“I love you, Dominic.”

Dominic smiled heartly. 

This time Julian saw a light sparkling in Dominic’s eyes. The light dispersed wider and wider and eventually warmed up a fire inside Julian. Those eyes were not lifeless anymore.

“You’re stupid to fall in love with someone like me.” Dominic pulled Julian into his arms and hugged Julian tightly. “I love you too.”

Julian was pretty sure he was probably giggling like a teenager boy who just found out his first crush like him back. As a matter of fact, that was indeed accurate. Did he tell Dominic that he’s actually this was his first relationship?

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*** 

Dominic was so in love.

He found himself always letting his eyes drift to that young French man, staring at every movement and every expression he made. Although they’re dating already, Dominic still couldn’t get enough of Julian. He constantly missed the lemongrass smell from Julian’s now dark brown hair, and the pale soft skin that would be flushed by heavy pink when he’s doing unspeakable things to him. That left Dominic wanting to possess Julian so bad.

Even though they’re dating now, Dominic had ineffable fear that one day he’d lose Julian. One was because he never thought he deserved Julian. After long years of people telling him that he’s not a good person, Dominic had slowly accepted the idea of him being worthless. He considered it as a chance of atonement for all the innocent people he had to kill during his undercover years. 

Five years of undercover work really broke him. He later spent another two years in a specialized rehab with a therapist just to get rid of his addiction and also fix his mental health. Then he’s reborn as a new person but with all the old scars inside his mind. Those days would never fade away but be buried deep deep in his soul.

Dominic had not been in a relationship since he joined the military. He practically had forgotten what it was like to be in a relationship and how to be a good boyfriend. Thus he did whatever he could to please Julian. If Julian wanted a double cheese pizza at midnight, he would jump in the car and bring it to him. If Julian wanted a chocolate fudge cake with cream cheese filling, he’d go ahead buy all the ingredients and try his best to make one. In conclusion, he spoiled the shit out Julian, but that’s all he knew about to do. 

“Dom.” Julian snuggled his head at Dominic’s neck, hugging him from behind.

Dominic tilted his head to the right and rubbed his cheek against Julian’s soft brown hair. A fresh lemongrass scent filled Domnic’s nostril, comforting Dominic’s running mind. What’s he going to do if he lost Julian?

“I’m hungry.” Julian complained quietly.

One more minute.” Dominic pressed a kiss on Julian’s cheek and gathered his attention back to the heated pan.

“Chocolate banana pancake.” Julian looked at the half-done pancake in the pan and muttered, “You’re gonna make me chubby.”

Dominic flipped the pancake carefully before he pinched Julian’s belly lightly. “I like it thick. So don’t worry about it.”

Julian jumped and laughed. “You better. And I’m not even worried about you. It’s just Gustavo had been telling me that I need to lose some weight.” Julian said it as he poked his small tummy.

“Then he can go fuck himself.” Dominic said it casually as he placed the pancake on the plate.

“Yeah right, like that would make me suffer less.” Julian took the plate and grabbed the bottle of maple syrup, about pouring a massive amount of it on the pancake. “He said that he will make a meal plan for me, which means I’m going to say bye to your pancakes.”

Dominic frowned at that statement. The idea of stopping making pancakes for Julian really annoyed Dominic in a way. His pancake was literally the only thing Julian liked about his cooking, because apparently this French boy was not a big fan of German cushions. Now Doc was going to take his chance to cook for Julian away. What next? Taking Julian away from him?

Thinking of that frightening idea, Dominic dropped his frying pan on the marble counter heavily which caused a loud sound that made Julian jump.

“What’s the matter?” Julian turned his head at Dominic in confusion.

Dominic inhaled deeply trying to control his temper, and then he turned around and gave Julian an assuring smile. “Nothing Bambi. My hand was slippery.” He made his way to the sink and started washing the frying pan. 

The public kitchen was quiet, since it’s still early morning and not many operators choose to cook their breakfast so they were the only two here.

Julian was slowly consuming his delicious pancakes but he kept his gaze at Dominic. His gut was telling him that Dominic did not accidentally drop the frying pan but purposely hit the table with it. However he could not figure out the exact reason behind it, but he guessed it must have to do with Gustavo. 

Feeling his head throbbing already as the idea of Dominic and Doc confront each other popped in his mind. Last time was already a disaster, and the last thing Julian wanted was to happen again. Julian didn’t tell Doc about his relationship with Dominic, but Julian guessed Doc might figure it out already. Doc, on the other hand, never talked about it again either. It seemed things had fallen back to where they were supposed to be, but Julian knew it’s just the calmness before the storm. 

“Have you talked to Gustavo about us?”

Funny how Dominic was thinking the same. Julian swallowed a chunk of pancake and sighed. “No. But I figured he probably knew it already.” 

“Okay.” That’s all Dominic replied. Dominic dried the frying pan with a towel and put it back to the cabinet before he turned around and looked at Julian drolly.

Feeling slightly uncomfortable, Julian dropped his plate and forks and stared back.

“What?”

“Would you choose Gustavo over me?”

Julian frowned at the question.  _ What kind of question was that?  _ The thing was Julian didn’t really have an answer for that. He didn’t want to lose Dominic or Gustavo at the same time. How are you making him choose between his love and long-term-father-like friend?

Dominic was not pleased with the silent retreat. He shrugged at Julian as if it was not a big deal to him. “I knew it. But it’s fine. I get it. Seriously, I get it. You knew Gustavo longer than knowing me anyway. If I were you, I’d choose him as well. It’s not a big deal. Don’t worry, Julian. I get it. I’m fine with it. For real, I’m fine.”

As the rambling went on, Dominic lowered his eyes trying to avoid Julian’s sharp staring as if this way Julian could not tell that he’s lying. Of course it’s a big deal to Dominic. He wouldn’t want Julian to make a choice between him and Gustavo, but this had to happen one day. Maybe it would happen next mouth, next year, or next day, and this really scared Dominic.

“Shut up.” Julian demanded.

“No, Julian. I said it’s FINE. It’s no biggie. I’m fine with it-”

Dominic’s mouth was covered by Julian’s mouth, and the kiss finally stopped him from talking. Dominic slowly closed his eyes and pulled Julian closer, letting Julian to lead the kiss. The kiss indeed magically stopped him panicking.

It was Julian’s soft and warm tongue that worked magically inside his mouth, taking every air from Dominic and making him almost suffocated. The sweet taste of syrup still lingering on Dominic’s taste bud and it was so addicting. 

Just when Dominic was at the edge of urge to bend Julian down for a good time, Julian pulled himself away blushing heavily. 

“You’re getting better at this.” Dominic licked his lips trying to taste every little bit of what Julian left on him.

Julian’s blush only got heavier when he heard Dominic’s compliment. “Seriously, Dom.” Julian caught his breath and said, “I’m not going to let that happen. I’m not going to let Doc step in between us. I will prove to him that you’re a good person and deserve every bit of my love.”

Dominic chuckled lightly. Although Julian’s words are sweet, he still wanted to correct this naive French man. “The thing is, you can’t prove to him that I'm worthwhile to you. I have to be the one to do it.”

“Then do it.”

Dominic shook his head with a soft smile.

“See, Julian, do I look like I’d go shake my tails to Gustavo just to get his approval? That man was acting like he had the right to put his hands in our relationship, which is total bullshit. You’re 26, and you don’t need no approval from anyone. Don’t you get it? It’s not about me, but you.”

Julian stood back and huffed, looking at Dominic in confusion. 

“Why are you shifting the blame here?” 

“I’m not blaming anyone here.” Dominic sighed. “I just don’t understand why you care so much about Gustavo. Can’t you just follow your heart once? And tell other people to fuck off?”

“Like I didn’t follow my heart! Gustavo and I are not even that close anymore just simply because I’m with you. What else do you want me to do? To spit on his face and tell him to get the fuck away from me? He is my  _ friend  _ ! How dare you ask me to sacrifice my friendship for you?” 

Julian snapped as if the string that had been holding his emotion had finally broken.

“Look who’s blaming now.” Dominic gave Julian a small fake smile, only looking apathetic. “I’m just simply asking you to be yourself once instead of being here caring about other people’s feelings. If Gustavo is your close friend, then he should support your decision.”

Julian scowled, and then he paused for a second before he spoke up again. “I can’t, Dom. I can’t be that selfish. I’m not like you.”

Dominic laughed dryly. He kept his dull gaze fixing at Julian. Julian only found himself having problems breathing when he looked at Dominic’s eyes, so he looked away, jerking his head to the side and arms crossing upon his chest. 

There was an unbearable heaviness spreading in the room. Everything felt frozen and dead, as they just stood there and refused to speak up. The silence caressed their skin like the wintry blanket in December, airless and cold, slowly freezing their hearts. It’s a poison to them, snarling inside them digging out every flaw they had. It’s either today or one day - they’d have to face their differences.

After god-knows-how-long silence, Dominic finally spoke up. “I’m not asking you to choose between me and Gustavo. It’s just-”

“Stop. You wouldn’t even change a bit just for us. How hard is it for you to act a bit better in front Gustavo? Like this much effort, you can’t even put up. I guess, this is nothing to you.”

Julian sounded disappointed, and more importantly, sad. The sadness under Julian’s tone made Dominic's chest tightened, a heavy weight pressing hard against his lung. 

Did he break Julian’s heart? That’s the least thing he wanted to do, but it’s already too late.

Too late.

Julian waved his hand as he turned around and walked towards the door. He’s done talking. This conversation was more exhausting than he thought. And it hurt. Every word Dominic spat out hurt Julian like millions of blades cutting through his heart. Those words only revealed the truth that Julian didn’t want to acknowledge - Dominic didn’t care.

Dominic wanted to stop Julian from leaving, but he couldn’t move at all because he knew whatever he’s going to do would not change the fact that they’re so different, so different that they might not be able to have a good ending.

Hearing the door slammed closed, Dominic sank down, legs and hand shaking violently.

He really fucked up this time, so fucked up that he might lose Julian at the end. But what could he do? He’s just Dominic Brunsmeier, who always lived his life freely, but now trapped in the prison of love that ripped him apart.

  
  
  


***

  
  


For obvious reasons, Julian kept his distance from Dominic. It had been a week, none of them had talked to each other, but Dominic would always leave some small stuff at Julian’s door. On Monday it was a slice of red velvet cake with chocolate frosting in a box. Tuesday was a small bouquet of daisies. Wednesday was a jar of his favorite jam - blueberry, apparently homemade. Thursday was a box of chocolate that looked like it was imported from Austria. Friday was a little card that said “I’m sorry” with a crying Kermit The Frog on it.

Julian didn’t know if he should laugh at these stupid gifts Dominic sent. Although Julian had to admit that he’s not pissed anymore, he was still deeply hurt by Dominic’s attitude. What was hard about getting Gustavo’s approval? Yes, Gustavo sometimes can be stubborn or even a pain in the ass, but if Dominic could just behave a bit better Gustavo might give his blessing to them. And that, the blessing, was somehow so important to Julian. 

Was it really the blessing?

Julian sighed and sat himself down on the bed, taking a chocolate out of the box that Dominic sent and throwing it to his mouth. The chocolate was sweet and creamy, melting slowly in his mouth.

It’s not the blessing. Like Dominic said a week ago, Julian indeed didn’t give shit about Gustavo’s opinion at this point. It’s all about the balance. The balance between who gave and who took in the relationship. Unfortunately, Julian felt like he was on the down side of scale where he put so much effort in it, while Dominic stood all the way up looking down at the relationship like it was just for a good time.

That. That hurt Julian the most.

The chocolate now had already disappeared from Julian’s mouth. The sweetness had gone and what it left was endless bitterness. Julian frowned at the unbearable bitterness that lingering inside him. It’s like their relationship, starting with the sweet joy that was so addicting and then coming with the overpowering bitterness that drove you crazy. 

Julian sighed again but this time was heavier, letting himself sink into the bed. His eyes drifted freely observing his bedroom. All he could see was that small bouquet of daisies on his desk, the unopened jam on top of his mini fridge, and the half-eaten red velvet cake on his night stand. It’s all about Dominic, Dominic, Dominic, and Dominic. At the end, Julian’s gaze finally stopped at the card that he’s holding.

_ “I’m sorry.” _

Julian’s fingers touched those written words as the words were read in Dominic’s voice in his head. 

“Yeah right.” Julian mumbled under his breaths and rolled his eyes, dropping the card on his face. As if saying sorry would work. What Julian really wanted was seeing Dominic actually put some effort on their relationship, of course if he cared. Julian closed his eyes, letting the card just rest upon his face. Every time he breathed, he could smell the sweet and musky ink and that only made him imagine how Dominic’s fingers flicked the paper gently and the anxious sweat absorbed by the egg-white paper card. 

He missed Dominic so much.

  
  
  


***

  
  


While Julian was trying his best to avoid Dominic, on the other hand Dominic was trying so hard to talk to Julian.

Julian put up a good job to avoid him, and thus Dominic was all devastated in the workshop with Marius who’s absolutely 100% focusing on his work.

“I don’t understand, Marius. What does he want from me? Oh wait, I know - to fucking change me. I thought he loved me for who I am. Now he wants me to be better? In front Gustavo? Unbe-fucking-lievable! Why is Gustavo so important to him? Shouldn’t I be the important one? Marius I’m telling you, these Frenchies are the worst.” Dominic paced himself around in the workshop, swinging his arms comically. Then he turned his vision to Marius who kept his head down and focused on the work. “Marius? Are you even listening?”

Marius nodded his head without even looking at Dominic.

“No, you’re not.” Dominic walked up to Marius and trapped the shorter man between his arms, hands gripping the edge of the desk tightly. 

Marius rubbed his nostril and sighed. “I swear, Dominic, if you don’t stop bitching about your love boy I’m gonna be the one who goes insane first.”

There was an unusual light pink flushed on Dominic’s cheeks. Dominic coughed and gave Marius more space, standing straight and looking down at Marius.

“When you had problems with that weirdass Russian, I was all supporting you. And here I am-”

“Alright!” Marius pushed his gadget away as he interrupted Dominic harshly. “Fine. What do you want?”

“Aww, look how sensitive our pilot is when it comes to-”

“Do you want me to help or not?!” Marius interrupted again but with angry shouting this time. He glared at Dominic, teeth gritting.

“Ay ay captain.” Dominic gave Marius a cheeky grin and sat down on the desk that was next to Marius’s. “Seriously, I miss Julian. He’s driving crazy with this hide&seek game. I just want us to sit down and talk the problem out.”

“Like last time you guys solved the problem out, genius.” Marius leaned his back upon the back of his chair, looking at Dominic pitily.

“Yeah, last time was kind of out of control. But hey, I could do better this time, ok?” Dominic glared back at Marius.

“Come on, we both know what the real problem is.” Marius said it impatiently.

Dominic huffed but he didn’t answer. He crossed his arms upon his chest and looked away.

Marius sighed. “Dominic, I don’t get it why you wouldn’t sacrifice a bit just for Julian. I thought you love him.”

“I do. I really do. But for my whole life, I’ve been changing like a million times. I don’t even know who the fuck I am now. Yall expect me to ‘act better’, but have you thought if this is what I like? I like being an asshole and messing around. I like being cocky and arrogant. I like myself. For the first fucking time of my life, I like me.”

Marius suddenly didn’t know what to say anymore. He softened his vision and just sat there looking up at Dominic. Dominic let out a drolly laugh and then rubbed his face roughly.

If you asked Dominic what made him like himself finally for all these years, he would say Julian was one of the reasons. Like a savior, Julian showed up and made Dominic realize that he’s still deserved to be loved. After decades of self-hatred life, Julian was the only warm light that shined through Dominic's dark world, melting every inch of ice, waking up every life in his heart, calming down every storm that’s torturing his soul. 

After Dominic eventually gave in and let Julian hold his hand and guide him on the path, he thought he finally became a better one like his therapist told him. Then after all, Julian still wanted him to change. 

To fucking change.

Dominic was told to change by hundreds of people, till one day he finally lost the real him.

Who’s Dominic?

He didn’t know. He only knew he’s the current “better” version of himself, but the requests of the “improvisation” never ended.

“So now you get it.” Dominic said it flatly.

Marius nodded slowly. “Maybe you should tell Julian about this. He deserves to know and I’m sure he’d understand.”

“Why do you think I said I need to talk to him?” Dominic gave Marius a bitter smile. “But he’s avoiding me like I’m a plague.”

Marius stood up and gave Dominic a tight hug. “Don’t worry. I’ll talk to him. Everything would be fine.”

Dominic hugged back stiffly, appreciating god that he had Marius as a friend.

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


It had been 2 weeks since Julian and Dominic had their fight, and still none of them had talked to each other. In the second week, Dominic stopped sending gifts at Julian’s dorm, which made Julian panic at first. But soon after Julian found out that Dominic was sent to Norway for an emergency mission with Gustavo, Elias, Miles, and Alexandra, he let his concerned heart be relieved. 

Julian was assigned to train the recruits for Tuesday, and he looked at the names on the file as he’s on his way to the training ground. He frowned as he saw the name next to his name - he’s not the only one who’s training the recruits but also Marius.

He never really interacted with Marius that much, but he vividly remembered how Marius was close to Dominic, which really didn’t give him a good impression. But this was his job, so he must be professional.  _ Must be professional.  _ As Julian warned himself he walked in the training field.

There were 10 recruits sitting on the bench chatting, but Marius was nowhere to be found. Marius was sure late for the training. Julian raised a brow.  _ Dominic really likes to hangout with people who act just like himself. _

After Julian assigned each recruits their roles, with a hard blow of the whistle, the recruits started their tactic stimulations. Julian sat himself down on the bench watching the attacker side quickly breaching the main door. Just about the attackers entering the objective point, Marius suddenly appeared and sat himself down next to Julian.

“Sorry. Had something to handle first.” Marius said it quietly as he put his combat gloves on.

Julian leered at Marius quickly and found this German man was basically a mess. Marius had his jeans worn inside out, while his combat vest was loosely covering his green hoodie. Beneath the hoodie, unlike usual, he’s not wearing anything else. And Julian could see Marius’s neck exposed- oh god, those were hickey, weren’t they?

Julian uncomfortably moved his eyes away and adjusted his pose. Now he’s sure Marius was late because of some unspeakable activities. But who was it? Julian tried to think of a person that Marius was probably banging.

“Did I miss anything?” Marius gave Julian, who’s deep in his own thoughts, an apologetic smile.

“Huh? Oh, no.” Julian replied shushly. He kept his gaze at the recruits who are working hard trying to defuse the fake bomb.

For a minute of silence. Marius suddenly commented, “I like your hair.”

“Huh?” Julian tilted his head to the left and looked at Marius in confusion, as he also tried his best not to stare at those obvious hickeys.

Marius chuckled. “Your hair. It was blonde. Sorry I didn’t have chances earlier to tell you that you look really good with dark hair.”

“Oh, thanks.” Julian gave Marius a light smile, but in his mind he’s screaming in devastation. God knew how much he wanted to avoid this topic, but he’s glad at least Marius did not know the reason behind his hair dyeing.

“Why did you do it? We were the only youngsters who had blonde hair but now it’s only me left.” 

_ Please, not this question _ .

Julian swallowed hard. “Just, uh, you know, want to change.”

Marius nodded slowly, looking like he’s thinking what Julian meant by that.

“I thought you were jealous of me being close to Dominic so you dyed it.” Marius smiled sincerely.

Julian swore he could just faint as he heard those words. A heavy heat flushing over his face, Julian waved his hands swiftly to Marius’s assumption. 

“No, no! Not like that. I know you’re a good friend to Dom. I wasn’t- I mean I would never-” Julian stuttered as he tried to explain in a hurry.

“It’s ok. I was joking.” Marius patted Julian’s shoulder and assured Julian with a warm smile. “I’m really happy to see you guys doing so well. I know Dominic was not - how should I put this - he’s not an easy one. He had his problems, and for a bubbly person like you, I think you would do him good, right?”

The sudden change of topic made Julian flustered, but Marius didn’t give him much time to think what he meant.

“So yeah, but I heard that Dominic and Gustavo had a fight, right? That’s unfortunate. And it must be hard for you, since you and Gustavo are such good friends and Dominic seems like he can't get alone with him.” Marius stated in a soft voice that actually made Julian feel much more comfortable with the topic.

Marius paused and looked at Julian, waiting for a response.

Julian chewed his bottom lip hesitating if he should speak about this issue. He didn’t really know Marius, but Dominic and Marius were close friends and maybe Marius could actually tell him what’s going on inside Dominic’s head.

“Yeah. It’s, to be honest, kind of fucked up.” Julian glanced at the training field quickly before he continued. “I mean the fight was ugly. But the worst part was what it impacted us, you know, Dom and I. I wanted to have Gustavo’s blessing, but Dominic would not even act a bit better in front of him. He said it’s not about him, but me. Saying I care too much. I don’t understand. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for him to just change a little bit for us. Is it really that hard to sacrifice a bit for me?” At the end, Julian only felt much better to speak all his problems out.

Marius fell into silence before finally speaking up.

“Dominic, him, has some problems. I don’t know if you knew but he was undercover for 7 years.”

“Yeah I know.” Julian anxiously tapped his finger on the file. “I… Actually met him when he was undercover. Like 7 years ago.” 

It was unable to not notice the shock register on Marius’s face before he could hide it. “That’s… Uhh.. shocking. I didn’t know that at all.”

Julian laughed quietly and shyly before he continued. “It’s almost like a movie. But yeah, we kind of had a short history.”

Not sure how Marius would comprehend the word “history”, but Julian didn’t want to explain too much. 

“7 years. 7 years ago Dominic was still in his shape, if you know what I mean. You didn’t see the worst of him, but to be fair neither did I.” Frowning Marius muttered, as his eyes bored at the general direction of the training field. “But whatever it was, he’s better now. And… I think you should talk to him when he’s back. He had been annoying the shit out of me these days complaining about you avoiding him. Seriously, for the sake of my sanity, please talk to him so I can have a break.” Marius joked at the end trying to ease the atmosphere.

Shifting uncomfortably, Julian bit his bottom lip and leered his vision to Marius only to find this young pilot wasn’t even looking at him, so Julian drifted his eyes back to the training field. “Yeah, I’m planning that too.” Julian admitted quietly, starting to focus on recruits.

“And also I think these recruits are actually waving at us.” Julian quickly pointed at one of the windows where a recruit was waving at them.

Marius stood up and ran his hand through his hair. “We better go check out. I hope it’s not something serious.”

As Marius started walking towards the site, Julian followed his step. “Last time I saw someone waving to the instructor during the training, someone fell from the site and broke his leg.” said Julian.

Marius laughed lightly. “Please don’t tell me it was you.”

“It’s actually Gustavo.” Julian chuckled loudly, reminiscing Gustavo’s face when he was lying on the ground groaning in pain.

“Didn’t know he’s that clumsy.” Marius bumped Julian’s shoulder friendly, bursting into laughter.

“Oh there’s so many things you don’t know about him!” Julian looked at Marius and winked.

Marius nodded comically and pulled Julian closer to his left. “After this, we need to hangout more.”

“Absolutely!”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


As Julian and Marius were busy bonding back at the base, Dominic was facing his least favorite person among the base. 

Yes, it’s Gustavo.

God knew why they would be assigned to the same mission, but here they were glaring at each other intensely in the meeting room of the temporary safe house.

“Ok, cut this shit out.” Miles was the first one who could not bear the weird tension in the room, so he stood up and threw his helmet on the desk.

“No, you tell him to stop staring at me first. Like I slept your son or some shit.” Dominic shifted his vision to Miles as he held a hand up and pointed at Gustavo.

“Oh! How matured!” Gustavo rolled his eyes at Dominic.

“Yeah. What you gonna do? Punch me?” Dominic stood up and groaned.

“I’d fucking-”

“Hold on, hold on.” Alexandr grabbed Gustavo’s arms trying to hold him back before Gustavo would actually do something stupid. Once Gustavo felt being pulled back, he gritted his teeth and glared at Dominic deadly.

“That’s what I thought.” Dominic scowled and sat back down, arms crossing and legs resting upon the desk, looking at Gustavo and Alexandr amusingly.

“You. Shut. Up.” Alexandr shot his eyes at Dominic, warning him coldly.

After seeing Dominic indeed shut up as requested, Alexandr let Doc loose before he pressed the angry French man sitting down. 

“Ok, guys, please excuse Gustavo and Dominic for such immature behavior.” Alexandr paused for a bit, ignoring Gustavo’s offended face. “But here’s what we're going to do. As we knew they didn't have many guards on site but I’m sure once we had the hostage there will be more coming. So we will be divided into two groups. Alpha team will be entering the building and extracting the hostage as quick as you can, while Beta team will be outside eliminating enemies as many as they could before enemies get to the Alpha team. And, Elias, please.”

Elias nodded at Alexandr’s words and stood up, opening a file on his hand. “For team assignments. Miles, Gustavo, and me will be on the Alpha team, and Dominic and Alexandr will be on the Beta team.”

“Any questions?” Alexandr asked.

For a moment, Alexandr decided to take the silence as a “no”. So he nodded and handed everyone a file. “Read this and we will meet here again this evening at 6pm. We will leave at 11pm.”

As the meeting dismissed, Dominic quickly left the room before anyone else. He needed some fresh air to clear his mind. No matter what, he knew he needed to get his shit together before anything went wrong on the mission. Personal problems aside, he still needed to treat his teammates with respect, but when it came to Gustavo he just simply failed to control his temper. Thinking how messed up his relationship was because that French doctor only made him furious and frustrating.

Stood outside the safe house, Dominic lit up a cigarette. The cool breeze in October caressed his skin before he shivered. 

“Got me one?”

A hand took the cigarette that Dominic was holding with his mouth.

“Buy your own pack.” Dominic rolled his eyes at the hand’s owner.

“Don’t think they have shops in the forest.” Elias cocked his brows and stood next to Dominic.

After flipping at Elias, Dominic took another one out of the pack and lit it.

“You need to chill about Gustavo.” Elias stated.

Dominic spat annoyedly. “He started first, ok?”

“You indeed slept his ‘son’.” Elias did a finger quote.

Dominic froze for a second then bursted into laughter out loud. Wiping a tear from the corner of his eye, Dominic placed a hand on Elias’s shoulder and started to look serious. “How did you know?”

“Come on. Almost everyone knew it already. You two don’t even try to hide it.” Elias dragged Dominic’s hand off his shoulder. “Plus, I may or may not have accidentally seen you two in the gym.” Elias ended his words with a fake cough.

Dominic's eyes shot wide open, hands covering his mouth as he gasped. “You did? I should’ve charged you for watching such a good show!”

“Shut up!” Elias retorted embarrassingly, face flushed with light pink.

Dominic leaned back at the wall, chuckling and shaking his head. “Seriously, Elias. Don’t tell anyone yet. I’m not even sure if this would last long.”

“I’m not the gossiping type but I’m sure many operators knew already. But what do you mean it won’t last long. I thought it’s serious?” 

“It is. But maybe we are not as compatible as we thought.” 

Elias didn’t react much to Dominic’s confession. “Well. No matter what, you still got us. Those Frenchies might not understand you as we do, but you still have me, Marius, and  Emmanuelle. ”

Nodding slowly, though Dominic gave Elias a grateful smile, it’s still obvious in the smile there was something bitter.

“Anyway, we got a mission tonight.” Elias threw the cigarette butt on the ground and patted Dominic’s shoulder. “Don’t let anything get over your head. We will be fine.”

Without even giving Dominic any chances to respond, Elias left swiftly. Dominic blinked at the man who’s disappearing in the safe house, sighing softly. 

Hopefully, they will be fine.

Dominic took the last puff from the cigarette and followed Elias’s footprint entering the safe house as well.

  
  
  


***

  
  


It was 1:30am. 

Dominic and Alexandr settled at the top of the hill where they could keep their eyes at the main gate of the villa. 

Team Alpha had already been inside for 10 minutes, but everything was still quiet like nothing happened. It’s a good sign though. It’d be much easier if they can escort the hostage without triggering any alarms, but it’s less likely to be like that in reality.

“They have their eyes on the target. It’s in the basement. Gustavo said it’s about 20 guards inside.” Alexandr said it quietly to Dominic.

Dominic lay flat on his stomach upon the ground, quickly scanning the gate with his scope. “Roger that. Gate is clear.”

Alexandr got off his machine gun and tipped his way to Dominic, laying down quickly without making much noise. 

“Check North.”

Dominic nodded and quickly aimed his scope to the north side. 

“Clear.”

“There’s a watch tower on the North side. Keep your eyes on that.” 

“Copy.”

Alexandr glanced over his shoulder at Dominic for a second, then fixing his gaze at the villa again. 

“You’re only going to make Gustavo hate you more.”

Fingers twitching to Alexandr’s sudden comment, Dominic didn’t respond.

“But it’s whatever. He should not step in between you and Julian.” 

Dominic made a quiet sound agreeing with Alexandr.

“By the way, thanks for helping- ”

“I did it for Marius.” Dominic quickly interrupted Alexandr.

Alexandr, without looking at Dominic, nodded thoughtfully.

Then they never talked again until the first explosion, shocking the whole villa followed with screams and countless gunshots, even when they were on the hill Dominic could still feel the ground under him shaking violently.

“Fuck. Report the situation.” Alexandr quickly spoke to the mic, sounding worried.

“Elias triggered the laser trap. I patched him up, but there are guards coming to us. On our way to the basement.”

“Time?”

“10 minutes.”

Alexandr frowned at Gustavo’s statement, but he didn’t speak his worries out loud. Then he turned to concerned Dominic. “10 minutes, they will get the hostag-.”

“The watchtower is lit up.” Dominic gasped and cut through Alexandr’s words in a hurry.

“Shit.” Alexandr jumped on his machine gun real quick. “Cover me. They are coming.”

Dominic crotched down and made his way behind Alexandra, then quickly turning on the NVD (night vision device) watching over Alexandr’s back.

Enemies are coming. 

Dominic took down about 8 people who are going towards the gate directly, while Alexandr took down even more from the Northside.

“Reloading!” Alexandr shouted at Dominic as he’s about to switch the magazine.

Dominic quickly threw a grenade down the hill hoping it would stop the enemies coming up for a while, before he swiftly changed his position covering the North side for Alexandr. Once Alexandr was done reloading, Dominic turned back to the other side and continued guarding this side.

It’s at the 8th minute, Gustavo came into the radio.

“Extracting. No enemies in sight.”

“Go with the plan. Time.”

“5 minutes.”

“Copy that.”

Alexandr kept his fingers pressing at the trigger as he shouted at Dominic, “Abandon site in 2 minutes.”

“Object! 10 more at the entrance!” Panting, Dominic shot down an enemy and cursed under his breath as he saw ten more enemies walking down to the gate.

“Fuck.” Alexandr spat and quickly turned the mic again. “We need backup. Too many outside.”

“How many?”

Alexandr looked over the Northside. “20, at least.”

“I’m on my way.”

“Gus on his way here! Watch out for friendly.” Alexandr shouted, feeling the machine gun had significant temperature increased for being used so long.

Distracted by the name, Dominic missed one shot and the price was getting shot at his right shoulder.

Dominic hissed in pain, but he didn’t stop firing. He knew the moment he stopped firing he would only be facing death, so he gritted his teeth ignoring the pain as best as he could.

15 minutes had gone since the first explosion.

Just as Alexandr could almost smell the burned skin from his hands, he saw Gustavo appear at the Northeast side of the villa taking down 3 more coming enemies. Forcing himself not to cry out of joy, he shouted at Dominic. “We gotta go! Gus was here.”

“Roger!”

Dominic quickly pulled out his C4 trying to stall the enemies coming up the hill. Just right this moment an enemy who had stealthily sneaked up to the hill jumped on Dominic with a knife. Dominic dodged quickly before he caught a chance to throw the C4 down the hill. He kicked the man at his legs quickly. That man whined dropping on the ground in pain while Dominic swiftly stood up and ready to jump down the hill on the other side.

Alexandr had already jumped down and took down some enemies with his rifle. Just about he looked up at the hill wondering why Dominic still wasn’t down here yet he saw Dominic rolled down the hill.

“Are you ok?” Alexandr quickly helped Dominic stand up, asking worriedly. 

“Yeah. Let’s go.” Dominic said in a weak voice but he looked calm as if nothing was bothering or hurting him. However Dominic's Face was pale like a white sheet, hands slightly trembling, blood stained all over his uniform.

Though Alexandr knew something was wrong with Dominic, he didn’t have time to check. If they stayed here one more second, the only result that they would face was death.

Alexandr nodded quickly, starting to run towards Gustavo. Dominic followed Alexandra’s steps, running as quick as he could though the pain was killing him worse and worse. 

Gustavo was covering them as they finally could see the helicopter landing. Dominic’s breath was messy, he felt his head was heavy and the pain started to fade away.

Not a good sign.

The pain could only get worse so he could stay conscious. Dominic bit his bottom lip so hard that blood dripped out. The pain from his lips struck him sharply, like iced water poured all over him, shivering in pain uncontrollably, but at least now he wouldn’t pass out before making his way to the helicopter.

Elias grabbed Dominic’s hand, dragging him into the helicopter, as Alexandr pulled Gustavo in too. 

Dominic let out a heavy and relived sigh as he leaned in Elias’s arms.

Elias frowned feeling something poked against his chest.

“What the fuck was-”

As Elias pushed Dominic away a bit, the thing he saw made him sucked in a breath sharply. 

There was a knife in Dominic’s upper back.

“Ah, yeah, forgot to tell you guys.” Dominic tried to put up a grin but he’s too tired to do so. “There was a knife on my back, and a bullet on my right shoulder. So yeah.”

Nobody spoke but they kept their shocking gaze at Dominic who shrugged at his own statement.

“Uh, can you guys help me before I bleed out?” Dominic tilted his head to the side and looked at Gustavo specifically.

Gustavo spat and crotched down, starting to inspect Dominic’s wounds.

The blood was mainly coming from the bullet hole, and Gustavo was glad that Dominic didn’t pull the knife out otherwise he would be dead right now. Gustavo quickly patched Dominic’s right shoulder, then sitting down across from Dominic and leaning back on Alexandr’s legs.

“I can only do this so far. We will have to deal with the knife when we get back to the base.” Gustavo softened his voice.

Dominic let Elias hold him, staring at Gustavo for a while before he spoke up.

“Thank you, Doc.”

Gustavo took off his glove and sighed in content.

“No, thank  _ you _ for holding up for this long.”

Dominic nodded and slowly closed his eyes.

_ Slap! _

Dominic shot his eyes open as he felt the burning pain on his cheek.

“What the fuck?”

Gustavo shook his hand as he said it amusingly. “You need to stay up.”

“And you slapped me?”

“What else do you want me to do? Stab you again?” Gustavo shrugged at Dominic, looking all innocent.

Elias snorted loudly at Gustavo’s questions.

Dominic growled but he couldn’t do anything to this considering his situation right now.

Gustavo placed a hand on Alexandr’s thigh and gave Dominic a polite smile.

During the flight, Dominic had almost passed out a couple of times, but thanks to Guatavo’s special method Dominic eventually stayed up until they arrived at the base. The only cons was it left Dominic swollen cheeks, right cheek mostly.

  
  


***

  
  


After the surgery, Gustavo settled himself in his office, taking out Dominic’s file from the shelf. He rubbed his sore neck exhaustedly, but there was something he really needed to do right now.

“Should get some rest. Since we got back this morning, you haven’t rested for a bit.” Alexandr crossed his legs after he sat down on the couch.

“Can’t. Still have some work to do.” Gustavo stated flatly without looking up.

Alexandr sighed and he stood up stretching his body. “Alright. I’m gonna go take shower. Thinking maybe you can join?”

“Alex, you know-”

“I know, work.” waving his hand at Doc’s words, Alexandr walked to the door. “It’s just-” Alexandr stopped at the door and turned his head at Doc.

Doc finally looked up at, staring at Alexandr curiously.

“I miss you.”

Those words struck Doc’s heart hard. “I’m sorry. I've just been busy recently. And Julian and Dominic, you know. I can’t let that kid get hurt. He’s like a little brother to me.”

“Dominic was a good guy.” Walking up to Gustavo, Alexandr held one of Gustavo’s hands tightly. “Maybe you should let them do them.”

“He...” Doc paused, struggled to find a word.

“You saw how amazing he did today. He could’ve passed out or even died any second with injuries like that, but for my sake, no, for the mission, he made it to the helicopter. I can't even imagine what kind of pain he was dealing with. You know well that if he’s down, I’d lie cold there, Gustavo. Yes, he could be like brat sometimes-”

“All the time.” Gustavo corrected Alexandr.

“Ok, all the time, as you wished. But at least, you should give him a chance.”

“What if he hurt Julian? Dominic was not strictly mental stable, and you saw the report too.”

“Does that mean people like him don’t deserve to love someone? Gus, we all know that people like us are not mental stable in a way or another. We kill people. We suffer from PTSD, depressions, anxiety, or anything mental illness you could think. And you know it. At least, Dominic was trying, wasn’t him? He had been clean for 2 years, and he’s functional enough to be here.”

Gustavo fell in silence. He lowered his eyes, the images of Dominic’s surgery flashed back inside his head. He was indeed impressed by Dominic’s abilities. He had lost a good amount of blood, and with a knife stucking in his back, Dominic still managed to do everything on his own. That’s one way to show how strong Dominic’s mind was. 

“He had anger problems, and was alcoholic and addicted to meth. Also he killed so many innocent people during his undercover, and all those killings were unnecessary!” Gustavo still tried to defend his point.

Alexandr sighed and let go of Gustavo's hand. He took a step back. “Whatever happened in the past, it stayed in the past. He had changed.”

“Like you know him very well.” Doc scowled.

“We will see. You stubborn old man.” Alexandr snorted out loud.

“Hey, you’re 10 years older than me!”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Julian quickly walked away from Gustavo’s office, shocked by the conversation he heard “accidentally”.

Too much information to digest. Julian paced himself aimlessly as he tried to sort out all the news he just acknowledged. First of all, Dominic had problems, like real problems, For anger issues, Julian wasn’t that surprised. He could remember that morning when he told Dominic that he wouldn’t be able to cook for him anymore and that caused Dominic to smash the frying pan on the counter out of anger. Although Dominic found an excuse, Julian still knew it wasn’t an accident. Secondly, Dominic was addicted to meth. Meth was a hell of drugs that would actually ruin someone’s life. Julian couldn’t blame Dominic but pitied him, imagining how much he was suffering when he’s in rehab, how much he hated himself for doing that but physically he couldn’t resist it. Suddenly remembering Dominic told him that people assumed him the worst because he was a junkie. How ironic when they first met Julian was about to do cocaine. Thirdly, Dominic killed many innocent people even though it's not necessary for his undercover mission. What did this even mean? Was he enjoying the killing thrill too much? Who was he even at that time? Julian thought of  _ the _ Dominic whom he met 7 years ago. That Dominic was kind, even a bit sweet, someone Julian failed to picture being a heartless murderer. Maybe he really didn’t know who Dominic was. 

Julian sighed and stopped himself eventually at the ward where Dominic stayed. He looked at the pale man through the window, only finding this man looked so strange in a sense he could not recognize anymore. 

_ Who are you, Dominic? _

Julian pressed his forehead against the glass, as the shivering coldness made him tremble. His eyes fixed at the unconscious Dominic. He had seen Dominic sleeping so many times but none of those were even close to this. This time, Dominic looked weak and vulnerable, lips dull and stitched, face bruised, and his chest was barely rising as if he’s not even breathing anymore. Only if the carduscope monitor was beeping telling Julian this man was still alive, Julian would think Dominic was long gone. 

_ He could’ve passed out or even died any second with injuries like that, but for my sake, no, for the mission, he made it to the helicopter. I can't even imagine what kind of pain he was dealing with. _

Alexandr’s words ringing inside Julian’s head clear and loud. Dominic almost sacrificed himself for this mission, or even for Alexandr’s life. It’s not like Dominic was close to Alexandr, but he did it no matter what. Dominic had his heart in the right place, and how dare Gustavo still put his bias on him? 

Julian whined quietly as the tears rolled down dripping on the ground. He could not breathe as if he’s drowning in the water. The guilt and regrets all of sudden flooded all over him, like the dam finally crumbled down and nothing could stop the emotion. 

Fuck anger issue. Fuck drug addiction. Fuck Gustavo. Fuck whatever stepping between them. Julian now had done with every bullshit that had stopped him from loving Dominic. Dominic had suffered enough, and as Alexandra said before, whatever happened in the past stayed in the past. Dominic had changed so much.

This was his Dominic. 

His.

Julian punched the window harshly, but luckily it was a bullet proof glass and the only consequence was a loud sound.

“That’s not going to wake him up.”

A hand patted Julian’s shoulder. 

“He will wake up soon or later. Don’t think he would want to see you like this.” Another hand wiped Julian’s tear gently.

“Thank you, Marius.”

Julian sniffed his nose as he turned to Marius who looked as worried as himself.

“You look like a sad puppy.” Marius gave Julian a comforting smile, nibbling Julian’s nose jokingly.

Julian tried to give Marius a full smile but he couldn’t. All Marius could see was a fake and crooked half smile.

“Don’t. It’s ugly.” Marius drifted his eyes to the sleeping man inside the ward, eyes darkening a bit. 

“I’m so stupid.” Julian muttered, looking at Dominic as well.

“What was that about?”

“I questioned and doubted Dominic. It turns out it’s me, who had no idea who he was. I took everything for granted and I thought I was the one who’s giving the most in this relationship. Dominic is different. He had been through too much, and I acted like a child who simply gets mad when I can’t get what I want.”

“You’re 26 after all. You’re young. So that’s understandable.”

“But Dominic is not. He’s 44. He could’ve settled down at his age, but he chose to be with me. And even this won’t work out at the end, I’ll have time to heal and start again. But for him, it’s hard. He had been broken too many times. Just think how much pain he would go through again if we don’t end up well. I’m even scared to think of that.”

“A reckless choice, isn’t it?”

Julian nodded slowly, fist clenching as he thought of how Dominic would suffer this relationship won’t work out.

“Don’t make it like it’s your responsibility to make this relationship work. Just follow your heart, all the rest just figures itself out, Julian. Yes, Dominic could be fragile in a way, but hey, look how many times he picked himself up like a soldier who never backed down. He would always have his way back.”

Marius said it softly, locking his gaze at Julian.

“He’s reckless anyway. His choice, his life.”

Julian didn’t respond as he stared at Dominic's peaceful face affectionately, but he remembered every word Marius said deeply in his heart.

_ Just follow your heart. _

Where was his heart? That man’s chest was where his heart lay, right next to Dominic’s heart.

  
  
  


***

  
  


Dominic woke up feeling his throat was burning. Yes, his shoulder and his back was hurting, but his throat was killing him with the dry roughness. He blinked several times and tried to remember what happened.

Something about the enemy threw a knife at him, and Gustavo slapped him more than ten times in the helicopter. Dominic closed his eyes again when he found the light was blinding and hurting him.

Then he heard the creaking sound of the door, following with footsteps. A hint of fresh smell of lemongrass made Dominic smile automatically. 

That smell, his favorite kind.

“You awake?” A hand covered Dominic’s, holding it so tight that it hurt a bit.

“Yes, yes, Bambi.” All of sudden Dominic didn’t care about his burning throat, hurriedly replied to Julian, though his voice was raspy/

“Oh god, I’m so fucking worried. You don’t even-”

“Hush.” Dominic looked at Julian lovingly, placing his hand over Julian’s mouth. “Give me water first, please.”

Julian gawked and grabbed the glass of water quickly, handing it to Dominic.

“Don’t think I can drink like this.” Dominic motioned his wounds.

Julian looked at the water he’s holding and then looked at Dominic. After a second of confusion, like something lit up inside Julian’s head, Julian gave Dominic a cheeky smile, then chugging a good amount of water.

Next thing Dominic knew was Julian was kissing him on his chapped and dry lips. The water flew down Dominic’s throat as Julian gently opened his mouth with his tongue. It was the cooling water made him moan out of joy, and then Julian's warm and soft tongue made him moan out of lust. Tongues mingled together, lips smashing gently. 

It’s the kiss Dominic would die for.

Julian pulled himself away, panting and blushing heavily. 

“Hell of a way to feed me water.” Dominic beamed at Julian with a satisfied smile.

“You’re welcome.” Julian chuckled heartily. “Want more water?”

“Can’t never get enough.”

Then it was another longing kiss, wet and smooth. Dominic pulled Julian’s closer, drawing his tongue deeper inside Julian’s mouth. There was no gap between them. The tender touch made them forget about everything in the world. The only thing they could feel was the burning flame of their love. Julian moaned softly and helplessly crushed more weight upon Dominic’s body, forgetting that man was still injured.

Dominic hissed in pain when Julian finally pressed too much force upon his shoulder. Julian jumped as he heard Dominic’s goran.

“I’m sorry. I got carried away.” Julian apologized in a hurry, totally panicking. “I’ll fetch Gustavo for painkillers.”

“No, no, Bambi.” Dominic caught Julian’s sleeve stopping him from leaving. “No painkiller.”

“What? Why?” Julian looked over his shoulder, confused about Dominic’s rejection.

Dominic hesitated for a moment, thinking if he should answer the question.

Then Julian suddenly realized something, he nodded and sat back next to Dominic. “I get it. It’s ok, Dom. Whatever you want.” 

He laid a feathery kiss upon Dominic’s forehead, pressing his love and comforting as much as he could. 

Painkillers are addicting. That’s why Dominic didn’t want them.

His poor lover, so strong yet so fragile. 

Julian ran his hand gently through Dominic’s brown hair, looking right at that man’s eyes heartfully.

The ward was quiet, but somehow it was full of the loving whispers longing inside these two men's ears.

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Dominic was cooking breakfast by himself. 

It was only 5:45 am, but he woke up early due to the pain from his wounds. He refused to take any painkillers and this was something he had to deal with - the unbearable pain. He had to get off the bed and do something to distract himself from the pain, so here he was making pancakes.

He made a chocolate one, then a banana one, a strawberry one, followed with a plain one.

The stack of pancakes only grew higher as he could not stop making pancakes. After he placed the last pancake on top of the pancake mountain, he sighed in defeat. What was he going to do next? He took a sip from the coffee and made his way to the window. Opening the window letting the cold breeze brush his face, he inhaled deeply and slowly pulled out a pack of cigarettes.

Lit up, a puff, Dominic finally found a bit of peace in his mind.

Things had been great with Julian. Julian basically moved in with him. His teammates never said anything about Julian’s frequent appearance in their dorm. Most of the time, Julian stayed in his room, but there were times Julian ran into Marius and Elias. And Dominic also noticed the growing friendship between Julian and Marius. These two hangout more and more, which of course did not spark any alarm to Dominic. Dominic was happy to see his friend and his boyfriend getting alone. Funny how Julian was jealous about Marius at one point. Dominic was also glad to see Julian’s blonde hair starting to show again. Not like he didn’t like Julian’s dark brown hair, but the blonde hair would always remind him the first time they met.

Till this day, Dominic still believed it was fate that brought them together. Since 7 years ago they met for the first time, they were meant to be together. Just like the first time, after Julian sneaked out his apartment, Dominic stood at his window and looked at the 18-year-old boy who’s looking at him as well and thought one day he would catch this brat and teach him about after-sex etiquette.

“Smoking is bad for your wounds.”

Dominic jerked his head back, seeing Gustavo was standing there arm crossing and looking at him drolly.

“I should’ve had an apple earlier.” Dominic threw his cigarette out of the window, turning towards Gustavo.

“Nope.” Gustavo popped “p” harshly as he walked up to the kitchen counter. “An apple a day doesn’t really keep the doctor away. Pancakes, huh?”

“You want one? Have some.” Dominic motioned at Pancakes.

Gustavo stared at pancakes for a moment, as if the longer he stared at them the better it would taste. Though, Gustavo had to admit these pancakes smelled and looked amazing.

“Julian loves these. But I don’t think he could eat all these, so make yourself comfortable.” Dominic opened a cabinet and took out a plate handing it to Gustavo.

Gustavo reluctantly took the plate.

“We have chocolate, banana, chocolate banana, strawberry, and plain.” Dominic pointed at the pancakes as he introduced flavors to Gustavo.

Gustavo nodded and took a plain one. He slowly cut a piece out and put it in his mouth.

Dominic patiently waited for Gustavo’s comments as he looked at him amusingly.

“It’s pretty good.” Gustavo commented flatly, not showing much expression.

“Aww, man, I know you love it. Don’t hold back.” Dominic snorted and put another pancake on Gustavo’s plate. “Try this. Chocolate banana. This is my signature pancake.”

Gustavo put a small piece in his mouth, and Dominic could see how Gustavo’s eyes brightened up immediately. 

“See? Told you this was good!” Dominic laughed and pressed his arms on the counter trying to lean closer to Gustavo, but as he’s being joyful he forgot about his injuries.

Dominic almost dropped himself on the table when his shoulder gave up in pain. 

“Fuck.” 

Another arm holding himself up, Dominic cursed under his breath, feeling embarrassed and helpless.

A hand grabbed his weak arm, Gustavo gently helped Dominic stand straight. 

“Be careful.” Gustavo's voice was surprisingly soft.

Dominic glanced at Gustavo and nodded. He carefully adjusts his wounded shoulder to a less painful position.

“Why don’t take any pain meds?” Doc sat back down, looking at Dominic curiously.

Dominic turned his back at Gustavo, ignoring the question, then quickly taking out a plate for himself.

Gustavo watched Dominic placing a pancake on the plate, deciding it’s best not to push this man too much.

“I can see why Julian loves your pancakes.” Gustavo took another bite and stated softly.

Dominic sat on Gustavo’s left. “Chocolate banana was his favorite. And he would pour tons of syrup on it as well.”

Gustavo frowned at that statement. “Julian loves sweets. But I think it’s best for him to eat less sugar.”

Dominic nodded slowly, swallowing a chunk of pancake. “I agree. But man, I love spoiling his ass. Literally and metaphorically.”

Gustavo bursted a light chuckling. He shook his head at Dominic’s confession.

Dominic’s eyes widened as he found how shocking that Gustavo actually laughed at his stupid jokes. A stupid dirty joke.  _ Gustavo had a weird sense of humor. _

“You can spoil him as much as you want. I will do the bad cop thing.” Gustavo said it as he put his focus on the pancakes.

“Thanks for pancakes, Dominic. Very delicious.”

A relieved smile lit on Dominic’s face, he nodded at Gustavo’s comment.

“You’re welcome, Gustavo.”

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Julian felt something soft and warm tingling his stomach when he woke up.

His eyes flew open, finding Dominic was laying low between his legs. He wanted to call out but his mouth was muffed with a black ball gag. Desperately, he tried to remove it but his arms didn’t budge even an inch. Glancing over his head, Julian found his arms being held tightly to his sides by ropes attached to the headboard.

“Good morning, Bambi.”

Dominic crawled his way to Julian, pressing a soft kiss upon his forehead. “I had a delightful talk with Gustavo this morning.” 

As Dominic whispered to Julian’s ear, his hand was slowly stroking Julian’s half-hard penis.

“And since there’s nothing to worry anymore, I want to celebrate it with you.”

_ This is the celebration? _

Julian couldn’t even finish his thoughts while the unstoppable pleasure coming from his cock took over his mind. 

“You like it, don’t you?” Dominic’s breath was heavy and messy. The blowing hot air made Julian’s face heat up quickly. Julian closed his eyes, nodding helplessly.

A warm and wet thing slowly caressed Julian’s left cheek, trailing towards his neck. As if Julian was a prey, Dominic licked his neck lustfully and slowly, following every vein and then sucking his Adam’s apple harshly.

With the gag on, Julian could not make any sound. All the moaning and whining was buried deep inside his throat, muffled sound slipped out his mouth with his saliva dripping down.

“I wish I could hear you moan, but you’re gonna wake up Marius and Elias. Unless you want to be heard.” Dominic chewed Julian’s ear softly as he asked.

Just shot his eyes open and shook his head violently rejecting the idea.

“Ok, ok.” 

Dominic cupped Julian’s face forcing Julian to make eye contact with him. “Knock the headboard three times if you can’t do it anymore.”

After he nodded, Julian couldn’t help to thrust up into every pump of Dominic’s fist, going higher and higher off of the bed as his hips chased his orgasm.

Dominic let go of Julian's cock quickly once he felt the thing in his palm was twitching violently. 

Julian made a muffled whine out of desperation. He was so close to come, so damn close. One more stroke, he would be spreading all his seeds in Dominic’s hand.

“Oh no. Not yet.” Dominic gave Julian, who’s at the edge of crying, a smirk, quickly tied the base of Julian’s cock with another rope. Julian looked down, seeing his cock standing straight and the head was dark red and shiny. Whatever Dominic’s plan was, Julian was not going to be allowed to come for a while.

Julian whimpered into his gag, the tears had finally rolled down from the corners of his eyes.

Dominic wiped his tears with his tongue, hands reached lower and eventually arrived at Julian’s ass. Rubbing his fingertips over Julian’s hole, Dominic grinded Julian’s cock with his own bare hardened cock as slow as he could. 

Julian squirmed as he felt Dominic’s finger enter him. 

Without even looking, Dominic knew what it looked like. Julian’s hole would be pink and tight, but at the end of morning, after he stretched in and out with his cock and filled it with his full load, it would be puffed and red, leaking his cum out as if it was the most beautiful masterpiece ever.

Dominic sat back up, wiping some precum from Julian’s almost-purple cock, rubbing it all over Julian’s hole. Added another finger, Julian opened his legs even wider. Julian closed his eyes shamefully, but his body was in favor of the invading on his ass. 

When Dominic put the fourth finger in Julian’s hole, a breathless moan snuck past the gag. Julian clenched his fist tightly, moving his hip back and forward to basically fuck himself on Dominic’s fingers. 

Dominic was amazed by the way Julian drowned in lust. Julian’s hole was stretched open around Dominic’s four fingers, and the rim was glistening because of the lube. Small beads of sweat rose to the surface of his skin as the heavy pink flushed all over Julian.

“You’re nicely open for me, baby boy.” 

After Julian heard Dominic’s words, fingers were gone from his ass; his hole clenched at the touch of cold air, nearly freezing after being accustomed to Dominic’s warmth.

Julian’s legs were bent over his own shoulders, spread wide open and tied up to the headboard. After finishing the last knot, Dominic gasped at how flexible Julian could be. Julian made a short eye contact with Dominic before he dodged Dominic’s burning vision. He felt so exposed with the position like this, ass stretched open while his dick almost could reach his face. But he also liked it, loved it. Tied up like a shameless whore, Julian enjoyed being used up like this.

When the head of Dominic’s dick finally entered Julian’s hot and sloppy ass, Julian arched his back up and eyes rolled back. He had been waiting for this moment for too long. Dominic grinned and pumped his hard dick in more, the incredible sucking and warm sensation made him groan. Another rough thrust, Dominic buried his dick inside Julian’s ass completely. 

Julian was hot and tight around Dominic’s cock, his rim tightening whenever Dominic managed to brush his prostate. Dominic could not leave his gaze from Julian, observing every detail of Julian’s face, the tears coming out from Julian’s eyes whenever he hit Julian’s prostate, the crooked brows whenever he shoved his dick deeper. If it’s not Julian's leaking cock bouncing between them, Dominic would have thought Julian was in pain. However, Julian was indeed in pain, but that’s what Julian loved, a pain that only made him scream more. Julian could never get enough of the good pain that erected him in all senses.

Julian’s muffled moans filled the room, and they drove Dominic wild, making him thrust harder, pistoning into him with savage-like force, but Julian just took it purrly. He took it and begged for more, cock drooling into a puddle upon his own stomach while Dominic fucked into him.

Dominic grunted louder, his cock twitched in extreme pleasure, knowing he’s going to come soon. Drilling deeper into Julian’s ass, Dominic untied the rope on Julian’s cock as he sped up his thrust. Julian’s eyes widened, head swam with a rush of endorphins, limbs trembling violently, a shot of thick white cum spreaded all over his own face. The image of Julian’s face covered by his own cum pushed Dominic over his edge. Letting out a deep groan, Dominic filled Julian’s ass with burst after burst of cum.

Panting heavily, Dominic took off Julian's gag and crushed his lips on Julian’s aggressively. His tongue reached over Julian’s teeth, dancing with Julian’s tongue. Then he pulled his tongue back, licking Julian’s lips slowly, tasting Julian’s heavy-scent cum.

Slowly licking every bit of Julian’s cum off Julian’s face, Dominic untied Julian quickly. Julian let out a comfortable whimpered as he wrapped his sour arms around Dominic, closing his eyes and enjoying this very moment.

A light breeze had the curtain moved, touching the two sleeping men’s warm skin, blowing away a scent of sweat. As it danced with Julian’s messy dark brown hair, a comforting delight spreading all over Julian’s face in a steady sense of joy. Julian’s fingers curled into Dominic’s hair before Dominic purred out of affection. 

Eventually, they fell asleep, with Dominic’s head lay on top of Julian’s chest and legs mingled together. Their breaths in unison, and the warmth they shared in each others’ embrace only brought their hearts closer. 

After the first time they met seven years ago, they finally found their peace in each other’s heart. There was no perfect lover, they were all flawed, but they would never look further than each other. 

Just follow your heart, and it would figure itself out.

  
  


End.

**Author's Note:**

> Are you thinking the same I'm thinking? Who the fuck is Marius seeing?? You tell me fam, leave your guessings in the comment section though I will not give you gifts anyway ;)
> 
> And If you're interested, I'll be update the next part soon hopefully. (I'm mentally exhausting) Next part will be either focusing on Doc/Tachanka or Jager/guess who.
> 
> English is not my first language, but I'm trying my best ;-;
> 
> Seriously, thanks for reading. I wish yall all the best XD 
> 
> shamelessly plug my tumblr: @dimethief


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